Want a Gray read this. :)

[BertAllen]

The Parrot Test

1) When your parrot refuses to come out of his cage, throws his cooked pumpkin on your brand new dress pants, bites off a newly manicured nail and takes a crap on your semi-expensive oriental rug after having eaten spaghetti sauce, you ignore it.

A. Strongly Agree ( I am a Nun.)
B. Agree (He’s such a little hoodlum, I just take it in stride.)
C. Disagree (At this point I’m so pissed off, I have to leave the room. This “time out” is for me.)
D. Strongly Disagree (I’m ready to drag the little sucker behind a truck. But I don’t because I took the “time out” and locked myself in the bathroom repeatedly dousing my head with cold water until I got it together long enough to deal with him rationally. He’s just doing what he does, it comes naturally and I know it. But I also know when to head for the faucet.)

2) You love to listen to your parrots go on a rant for about four hours screaming at the top of their little leather lungs.

A. Strongly Agree (I’m a masochist.)
B. Agree (Well, it’s to be expected now and then. Not that I like it…)
C. Disagree (Are you kidding? I have to leave the house until my sanity returns.)
D. Strongly Disagree (If those little-feathered boomboxes don’t shut the flyin’ hell up soon, I’m going to superglue my ears shut and move to Nepal.)

3) You swear when you argue with your parrots.

A. Strongly Agree (Most of the swear words I know, I learned from the Amazon I adopted. Good God, that bird is an artist!)
B. Agree ( Well Yeah! I’m not freakin’ Mother Theresa for God’s sake!)
C. Disagree (Well, yes. But I just get so mad, dammit!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Never! I don’t swear. I simply quote George Carlin.)

4) You have sometimes thought seriously about just finding your birds new homes.

A. Strongly Agree (Oh, come on! Absolutely! When I’ve just set the table for the dinner that took me three days to prepare for my In-Laws who are afraid of my birds anyway? And then those little gangsters get on there and clear it like they were bussing a table at a Greek restaurant! Who in their right mind wouldn’t entertain this thought?)
B. Agree ( Yes, but I was kind of angry about the four-inch diameter hole in the dining room drywall. )
C. Disagree ( My babies? Never!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Patricia, you will go to hell for even thinking of this question.)

5) Despite everything, the mess, the noise, the destruction, the wreckage, the insane workload, and the insanity, I’m a better person because of those little criminals.

A. Strongly Agree (Oh, good God yes! I love the little dudes and despite the fact that they have reduced my house to rubble, I don’t give a damn. I’m stronger, more patient and have more love for them than I knew I was capable of. I’m steadier and a much better human because of them. I had no idea I would change the way I did and my life has been profoundly better despite the challenges.)
B. Agree (Well, they’re hard but it’s kind of part of the deal. I take care of them and that’s that.)
C. Disagree ( They have a nanny. And a cleaning person. And a trainer. I don’t have to deal with any of that so it’s all good here!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Criminals? Criminals? How could you even suggest such a thing? You obviously don’t know me and you can’t judge my birds! You’re not the boss of me! *major sobbing*)


Found this out there somewhere. No real answers other than a picture of life with a Gray and many other parrots.

 

[tka]

Love it! Although I have to ask... what are you doing wearing new dress pants and having an expensive rug anywhere near a parrot?

 

[Lodah]

Lucky for me Pilo is such a GOOD boy! God must love us!

 

[SandraK]

Lucky for me Pilo is such a GOOD boy! God must love us!

You are talking about your gcc, right? You need to lower the dosage of your meds dear ...

 

[Shezbug]

 

[Lodah]

You are talking about your gcc, right? You need to lower the dosage of your meds dear ...

 

[BertAllen]

Another goodie I found in cyber space.
C/P
There is a parrot’s creed, which also applies closely to toddlers:

1. If you like it, it’s mine.

2. If I can reach it, it’s mine.

3. If it’s in my beak or foot, it’s mine.

4. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

5. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

6. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

7. If I’m chewing something, all the pieces are mine.

8. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.

9. If I saw it first, it’s mine.

10. If you have something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

 

[SandraK]

Ten Reasons You Shouldn’t Get a Parrot - VIE Magazine

I know there's a humorous article about what it is like to own a parrot @JLcribber. One of the sections covered preparing chop, throwing half away and splattering the rest on the walls, ceiling and floor. I'm looking for it.

 

[JLcribber]

The Creation Story as told by a bird

On the first day of creation, God created the bird.
On the second day, God created man to serve the bird.
On the third day, God created all the plants of the earth to serve as potential food for the bird.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the bird.
On the fifth day, God created the toy so that the bird might or might not destroy it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the bird healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to feed, clean, and amuse the bird.

 

[JLcribber]

You Know You Are Into Parrots If...

- your home contains 8 cages, 10 play stands, 6 swings, and a bed.
- you are zoned as a rainforest wildlife sanctuary by your city.
- all your neighbors move away, and you live in an apartment.
- you consider collard greens, dandelion greens, parsnips, mustard green, and escarole to be common vegetables.
- you go through the store checkout with 18 different fruits and veggies (none of which you plan to eat).
- the person behind you at the checkout asks how you prepare the collard greens you're holding and you say that you haven't the slightest idea.
- you have to explain to the lawn care company that you like dandelions in your yard.
- you see absolutely nothing wrong with having every piece of furniture in your living room topped with cages
while your lamp is on the floor, and you use a lap desk because the desk itself holds your parrot toy box.
- redecorating the house means finding a way to squeeze in another bird cage.
- your garage contains extra cages, play stands, toys, but no car.
- you've ever answered the phone with a parrot on your head.
- you tell people on the phone, "I can't talk now; I've got a parrot on my head."
- people overhearing your parrot discussions think you're talking about your date.
- you drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper to steal and feel guilty when people look out their windows and pity you.
- you want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to clean bird poo.
- you have vases full of feathers instead of flowers.
- you have 3 TV’s and none of them are for you to use.
- your c.d. collection contains opera, classical, and speech lessons, none of which you listen to.
- you haven't owned an alarm clock in 10 years, but never get up late.
- when you're at Home Depot you're busy dreaming about building new play areas.
- you have no carpet in your house, anywhere.
- you shower in the guest bathroom, because the master bath is too full of perches.
- your friends come over for dinner and offer to make a salad, to which you reply "none of those vegetables are for humans!"
- you haven't taken a vacation in 10 years, and like it that way.
- every room in your home is equipped with U.V. lighting.
- your walls are lined with Plexiglas, your ceilings are lined with Plexiglas, and your floors are covered in plastic runners, and they are all still stained.
- you have replaced your vacuum at least twice a year.

 

[JLcribber]

A parrot slave's guide.

1. Your lifestyle must be compatible with mine! We understand some slave must leave the home for many hours a day but you must clear this with us FIRST! Some of us can't be parted from our slave ever. The slave matching service must ensure this rule is carefully followed.
2. Slave furniture is for me to poop on and chew on! You don't expect me to soil my own perches now do you?
3. Silence is NOT golden, it's BORING! The slave must allow me to make lots of noise!
4. The slave must pay attention to me whenever I want or give me something to do that is fun! Failure to do so will result in severe slave punishment! (Such as removal of keys from computer thingies)
5. The slave will clean up after me and keep my perch palace free of debris and remove the substandard 'food' that does not meet my high standards.
6. I shall select my slave and only those whom I deem worthy may interact with me. If you are not a chosen slave I shall be most displeased and shall call CPS (Cockatoo Protection Services) on you!
7. Slaves shall rise at the crack of dawn or whenever I call them. Failure to comply will result in hearing loss (for the slave.)
8. The slave shall help preen pin feathers and pet me when I ask without delay.
9. The slave must ensure that I am not bored. Failure to comply will result in slave punishment.
10. If I have been let down by old slaves be patient and kind to me and you shall be rewarded. A good slave is a loved slave.
11. I am the king (or queen) of all I survey. Attempting to prevent me for inspecting all parts of my kingdom will not succeed!
12. All other creatures are my slaves and exist for my amusement! Don't make me banish you!
13. Slaves must feed me a proper parrot diet. Seeds are for lesser birds!
14. All cockatoo decisions are final! No slave may override the cockatoo council!
15. All slaves must subscribe to Avian Avenue Parrot Forum to stop from going insane and receive further instructions.

 

[Macawnutz]

You Know You Are Into Parrots If...

- your home contains 8 cages, 10 play stands, 6 swings, and a bed.
- you are zoned as a rainforest wildlife sanctuary by your city.
- all your neighbors move away, and you live in an apartment.
- you consider collard greens, dandelion greens, parsnips, mustard green, and escarole to be common vegetables.
- you go through the store checkout with 18 different fruits and veggies (none of which you plan to eat).
- the person behind you at the checkout asks how you prepare the collard greens you're holding and you say that you haven't the slightest idea.
- you have to explain to the lawn care company that you like dandelions in your yard.
- you see absolutely nothing wrong with having every piece of furniture in your living room topped with cages
while your lamp is on the floor, and you use a lap desk because the desk itself holds your parrot toy box.
- redecorating the house means finding a way to squeeze in another bird cage.
- your garage contains extra cages, play stands, toys, but no car.
- you've ever answered the phone with a parrot on your head.
- you tell people on the phone, "I can't talk now; I've got a parrot on my head."
- people overhearing your parrot discussions think you're talking about your date.
- you drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper to steal and feel guilty when people look out their windows and pity you.
- you want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for AIDS and a better way to clean bird poo.
- you have vases full of feathers instead of flowers.
- you have 3 TV’s and none of them are for you to use.
- your c.d. collection contains opera, classical, and speech lessons, none of which you listen to.
- you haven't owned an alarm clock in 10 years, but never get up late.
- when you're at Home Depot you're busy dreaming about building new play areas.
- you have no carpet in your house, anywhere.
- you shower in the guest bathroom, because the master bath is too full of perches.
- your friends come over for dinner and offer to make a salad, to which you reply "none of those vegetables are for humans!"
- you haven't taken a vacation in 10 years, and like it that way.
- every room in your home is equipped with U.V. lighting.
- your walls are lined with Plexiglas, your ceilings are lined with Plexiglas, and your floors are covered in plastic runners, and they are all still stained.
- you have replaced your vacuum at least twice a year.

It's like you have been to my house.

 

[SandraK]

Not necessarily related to Greys but I've been asked at the supermarket how I prepare the wheatgrass I'm buying. The looks/comments I get when I state that it's for my small parrots are interesting. The main question is "what do they do with it?" with the occasional "oh yeah, my cat eats grass too".

 

[tka]

Leia will sit on my shoulder, perfectly quiet and contented, while I talk to my parents or partner on the phone. She KNOWS if I'm talking to a utilities company or doing a work call though...let the shouting commence!