TextsFromParrots
Biking along the boulevard
1) Kittens are born cute. To balance this out they are also very very dumb. As they grow out of the adorable age they get smarter. From this i've concluded no matter how many times I get out the laser pointer Sparrow will still run in circles until he's so dizzy he falls over.
2) Kittens have no respect for personal space or personal property. No matter how often you struggle and shoo, they will still try to cheerfully walk around you to claim whatever you're eating. Resistance is futile.
2b) If you're doing dishes and NOT paying attention to the kitten, they find it perfectly acceptable to walk up your body regardless of the sounds of pain you make while it does it. Just submit now.
3) Kittens will stick themselves into anything they can squeeze into and in the process scare you. This includes your dresser drawers which are closed.
3b) They take particular satisfaction in the noise you make reaching for said clothing and getting a handful of warm fuzz.
4) Kittens have a memory worth about 5 seconds. Hence, after giving him antibiotics for his eye infection he blinks for a moment and then charges back into playing. Adult cats? They sulk. For hours possibly.
5) There is nothing you can touch, open or do that doesn't involve the kitten. You may think it doesn't, but it does.
5b) Note: Always check before closing the fridge and close bathroom door to prevent a head from trying to see what's in the bowl while you try to pee.
6) A kittens natural state is hanging from something. The curtains, you, the couch, the bed, the towel, the chair. It may briefly come to rest on the ground, but it will always return to its natural state.
7) You may not be aware, but you are attached to the kittens natural prey. Your feet. You must forgive their ambush attacks on said prey, they're only doing what comes naturally.
8) Eating is not a sedate experience for a kitten. For a kitten to fully enjoy his food he must stick both paws in the bowl and knock food onto the ground as he eats. Afterwards he must try to bury it for later.
8b) If wet food is involved said kitten will repeat 8a, but with the addition of throwing up afterwards and then eating said throw up.
9) If a kitten senses you may be frustrated or annoyed, it will employ the ultimate weapon. The Silent Meow. it knows it reduces even the most hardened heart into baby talk and snuggles.
10) You may think you're sleeping comfortably in bed, however the kitten realizes the truth. There are bedmice everywhere. Learn to sleep utterly still to stop the feel of 2.5 lbs bouncing all over you each time you shift.
2) Kittens have no respect for personal space or personal property. No matter how often you struggle and shoo, they will still try to cheerfully walk around you to claim whatever you're eating. Resistance is futile.
2b) If you're doing dishes and NOT paying attention to the kitten, they find it perfectly acceptable to walk up your body regardless of the sounds of pain you make while it does it. Just submit now.
3) Kittens will stick themselves into anything they can squeeze into and in the process scare you. This includes your dresser drawers which are closed.
3b) They take particular satisfaction in the noise you make reaching for said clothing and getting a handful of warm fuzz.
4) Kittens have a memory worth about 5 seconds. Hence, after giving him antibiotics for his eye infection he blinks for a moment and then charges back into playing. Adult cats? They sulk. For hours possibly.
5) There is nothing you can touch, open or do that doesn't involve the kitten. You may think it doesn't, but it does.
5b) Note: Always check before closing the fridge and close bathroom door to prevent a head from trying to see what's in the bowl while you try to pee.
6) A kittens natural state is hanging from something. The curtains, you, the couch, the bed, the towel, the chair. It may briefly come to rest on the ground, but it will always return to its natural state.
7) You may not be aware, but you are attached to the kittens natural prey. Your feet. You must forgive their ambush attacks on said prey, they're only doing what comes naturally.
8) Eating is not a sedate experience for a kitten. For a kitten to fully enjoy his food he must stick both paws in the bowl and knock food onto the ground as he eats. Afterwards he must try to bury it for later.
8b) If wet food is involved said kitten will repeat 8a, but with the addition of throwing up afterwards and then eating said throw up.
9) If a kitten senses you may be frustrated or annoyed, it will employ the ultimate weapon. The Silent Meow. it knows it reduces even the most hardened heart into baby talk and snuggles.
10) You may think you're sleeping comfortably in bed, however the kitten realizes the truth. There are bedmice everywhere. Learn to sleep utterly still to stop the feel of 2.5 lbs bouncing all over you each time you shift.
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