I'm not sure what to say to you or how. My parents always had a cat in their family and until about 5-65 years ago I always had a/several cat(s) in my house. Nature took it's toll on two of the three cats and the third moved (literally) because he didn't like the bird noise. George, the one who moved, was a Maine coon who found us; declawed, very good hunter, great to have, vertically challenged (couldn't jump up to save his live) but if he wasn't let out he sprayed inside.
That said, if I could have another Maine Coon I'd have one in a heartbeat. Hubby fred said it was the only pet we'd ever had who had more ear hair than he did. I
I am sorry for your loss. Having to make the decision to put someone to sleep is very difficult, even if it is in the companion creatures best interest. And as humans, even though the decision made was in the best interest of our beloved companion, I think we still feel guilt for doing what was best. In our hearts, we are taking a life though our brains should be able to tell us that it was for the best.
go to you. I've walked in your shoes but it still doesn't make the decision any easier. Bailey is now up to her mischief over Rainbow Bridge and you'd better be prepared to what you're going to have to face when you get there!