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Rehoming SOS

Ashmoo

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hi! I recently rehomed a 10 year old grey. She was owned by an elderly couple and first for her entire life. Then a young couple bought her and rehomed her because the bird only liked the husband and it was the wife’s pet. I was told she liked the elderly couple equally however I know that’s hard to believe for a grey. I’ve had her about a month. I solely feed her and care for her. She is very aggressive toward me. She actually strikes at me and flies out of her cage sometimes when I just walk by bc she is scared. My boyfriend came over and she bonded with him within a few hours. It’s been weeks and they are inseparable. Is there nothing I can do to bond with her? Is she a bird that likes only men? Any tips or advice. Thanks.
 

faislaq

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hrafn

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Unfortunately, it sounds like she may be a man's bird, and it's hard to convince a grey with a gender bias to change her opinion.

My CAG Kamara is also very prone to biting and lunging, but she comes from an unknown past and has been through some major trials and tribulations in her life. Her aggression is fear-based, and in attacking me she believes she is simply defending herself.

Do you think maybe your grey has had some raw dealings with the women in her life thus far? Maybe one of her past owners was frustrated with her preferring men, and was pushy or impatient with her.

Whatever the case, your best bet is to simply be as patient and kind with her as you can, and hope that she will eventually acquiesce to your existence in her life, lol.

She may never form a bond with you like she has with your boyfriend, but she should calm down a bit with consistency and time. Quite a few members on AA are the sole caregivers to their fids, but their birds prefer their SOs instead. :rolleyes:
 

sunnysmom

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A bird is going to pick their favorite, unfortunately. But sometimes that does change. Is your boyfriend willing to help with the bird?
 

BertAllen

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Tinker treats us both fairly equally but I'm the one that man handles him when needed and he just beaks me but will nip Teresa. We both look after him for everything equally. But having said that he is still quite young so who knows what's in store for us 6 months down the road.
 

jmfleish

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One of our greys bonded very strongly to my husband and wasn't thrilled with me. We've probably had him for about two years now and he's decided that I'm not horrible. I talk to him a lot and he is stick trained so I don't have to worry about him biting me when I want to move him from one place to another. He used to really want to do damage to me but now he does step up for me from places other than his cage and I don't have a problem cleaning his cage with him in it. It took a while to get there with him though.
 

Buckbeak

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I’ve had my grey for almost 5 years now, and he’s been with me through 2 Big relationship changes. He’s never particularly been a fan of either my ex, or my now fiancée. While he’s usually very even tempered, he has flown to her and bitten before (seemingly for no reason) but he’s also known to fly away from anything he sees that is remotely out of the ordinary! I tell him pretty often that he’s gonna have to get used to her being around since we will likely have him living with us for the rest of all three of our lives. He doesn’t seem phased.

For awhile, my fiancée did take him out of his cage and bring him to his Java tree exclusively and give him his favorite trees once he was there. He has to step up onto a perch as he’ll bite any hand that isn’t mine... sometimes, also mine... but we haven’t been doing this as often lately. He DOES seem to be better with her while I’m not around. They get along pretty well when I’m not home. Maybe you could try bonding with your new bird when you’re home alone?
 

macawpower58

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If your not the ONE, then aim for respectful tolerence for now. Do not be pushy.
Calm, soft and gentle interaction.
Treat her like a neighbor. Be polite, ask questions, hold conversations, share ideas.
Don't try so hard, it will push her away more.
In time she will show interest, especially if you bring something she likes.
It may be music, or toys, or showers.
You will do fine, be patient.
 

iamwhoiam

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Congrats on getting your Grey. Have no experience with Greys but it might take some time for her to start liking you so be patient and don't give up.
She obviously likes men a lot better than women. Drop some treats into her cage as you walk by.
 

Shezbug

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I am guessing this bird is called Chloe?
 

KatelynDeanne

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I am guessing this bird is called Chloe?
Yes. I done talked with Ashmoo and she said she wont really be on here. The bird is impossible it seems. Giving her troubles too. Man bird she is. Lol
 

Tser

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It may be that she will never bond to you, but that doesn't mean you guys can't have eventually have a good relationship. I agree with macawpower.

I really suggest starting at the very beginning with trust training and taming. Treat her like a wild bird that has never been tamed. Go very slowly. That means just spending time in the room with her but not pushing her to have to interact with you. With some birds that means starting across the room and just reading a book before you can move closer and read the book next to the cage. Go at the speed she's comfortable with.

Also, if your boyfriend is willing to, it would be great if he could work on training with positive-reinforcement, such as clicker training. I recommend that she be taught things like target training and stick training. These will help you (or others, like pet sitters) move her safely without putting fingers in harm's way, or causing her to panic and try to escape.

Training also helps parrots gain confidence, they feel a sense of control.

African greys are very cautious birds, very smart, and very sensitive. This means that they can take a very long time to accept things. It may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years... but parrots have very long lifespans, so that sometimes means you need a lot of patience!

Edited to add, whoops, I was writing at the same time of the update. That's too bad!
 

KatelynDeanne

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It may be that she will never bond to you, but that doesn't mean you guys can't have eventually have a good relationship. I agree with macawpower.

I really suggest starting at the very beginning with trust training and taming. Treat her like a wild bird that has never been tamed. Go very slowly. That means just spending time in the room with her but not pushing her to have to interact with you. With some birds that means starting across the room and just reading a book before you can move closer and read the book next to the cage. Go at the speed she's comfortable with.

Also, if your boyfriend is willing to, it would be great if he could work on training with positive-reinforcement, such as clicker training. I recommend that she be taught things like target training and stick training. These will help you (or others, like pet sitters) move her safely without putting fingers in harm's way, or causing her to panic and try to escape.

Training also helps parrots gain confidence, they feel a sense of control.

African greys are very cautious birds, very smart, and very sensitive. This means that they can take a very long time to accept things. It may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years... but parrots have very long lifespans, so that sometimes means you need a lot of patience!

Edited to add, whoops, I was writing at the same time of the update. That's too bad!
Good advice. I will tell ashmoo what yall said. When I had chloe, I tried the stick training, tried reading to her, moving slowly. She was just very scared of everything. She would take treats from my hand most of the time.. then when the husband was around her, it was like a flip of the switch. She became very aggressive towards me and started being affectionate towards him. Every treat i handed her she would throw down. Even her favorites. If I'd read her a book, her back turned to me. I talked to her original owners and they told me to give her cookies.. they weren't very helpful and didnt seem to care too much.
 

TikiMyn

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I agree with the others, it might take months but you can have a good relationship. It takes Time to build trust and to heal from possible trauma/negative experiences.
 

KatelynDeanne

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I agree with the others, it might take months but you can have a good relationship. It takes Time to build trust and to heal from possible trauma/negative experiences.
Yes. I agree, with Chloe, it will take a long time but I do have hope for her. In my situation, the husband just wasnt having it. Hes not much of a bird guy, so it makes it difficult when my birds like him. (may be the case with Lucy too, not sure yet.) Im not sure what past experiences she had with her original owners. They seemed nice but as soon as Chloe was sold to me, they dissapeared like they no longer cared. Ive been trying to help Ashmoo with this, by giving her all the info I know on Chloe. Thank you guys for the advice :)
 
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