Please Help!

[NikkiCat]

Hi everyone.
Today is only the third day I have had Tiki my adopted CBC. He is 4.5 months old.
I really need your help. I have an anxiety disorder and getting him has triggered me to have constant anxiety and panic attacks. I didn’t think this would happen but it has.
My boyfriend doesn’t understand. He says “I thought a bird would make you happy since you wanted one for so long”. And it should, he’s right. Instead I’m terrified that everything I’m doing is wrong, and people will be right about me. I hear in my head “You don’t know what you are doing” “ You know birds are hard work” “Birds aren’t domesticated and take a long time to get adjusted”. You name it, I’ve heard it.
I’m watching videos and reading but people all have different opinions on if I should even take him out of his cage right now. I’m trying to watch bird behavior because I don’t understand what he is trying to tell me. I need your help! I’m crying right now typing this. I want to be a good parront so bad!
What I have been doing:
Take a shower, get myself ready for work.
Walk in the bird room and say Good morning Tiki! How are you? I raise the blinds and open his cage. Then I ask do you want to step up? He bites my finger and pulls himself up. I take him into the kitchen on his stand and continue getting ready. I make myself breakfast and give him his and try to eat with him. I can’t tell if he’s eating with me or just holding it in his beak and dropping it. He is very vocal. I ask him often if he wants scratches and leave my finger there. He usually bites me and makes noise. He’s not hurting me but I feel like I’m getting mixed messages. Does he want the scratches or does he want me to leave? When I try to put him down he acts like he doesn’t want to leave my finger. He makes noises the whole time and I’m not sure if they are good or bad. I put him in his cage when I have to leave and have fresh food and water. He acts like he doesn’t want to go in. Sunflower seeds don’t help. I get him in and tell him I will be back.
I shut the door and he calls for me, then I leave.
When I get home it’s really the same thing. I am trying to understand him. Always have toys for him. Last night he was trying to fly (his wings are clipped) and did lots of fluttering everywhere. I had the Java tree right next to my bed watching tv and he fluttered onto the bed. Then on the bed he ignored all the toys and was biting my shirt, towel and hands. He was laying flat and moving around. He kept scrunching up to my neck and nibbling me all over. I tried giving him scratches and he made a lot of noise and bites. However my boyfriend said his eyes were closed and he looked like he was enjoying it? Sometimes he looks like he’s shaking. I’ve seen him stretch his wing and foot. I’ve seen him fluff up his feathers a bit. I’ve seen him flutter his wings. Also hang off the side of his cage and stare at me, following me around the room.
Please help me. I don’t want to mess up and be a terrible bird owner! I know birds bite but I can’t tell what he’s trying to tell me!
How do I post a video? Maybe you could help me and see what Tiki is trying to tell me?
Sorry for the long post.

 

[webchirp]

Okay....breathe...first off, his behavior indicates he likes you. It is going to take some time to learn exactly what it all means. Set up a schedule. It will help you with your anxiety as well. I think he might just be baby beaking you. Just like little ones that put everything in their mouth and chew on it...so do birds. Don't over stress on the details or if he wants to be with you or not. If you let him set how to run the show now, you will be really stressed later.

He sounds like he is fine coming out of the cage especially if he doesn't want to go back in.
If he's clipped, he's going to use his beak a bit more forcefully to step up. And babies don't have great balance so that is likely why as well.
Give him scratches, if he moves away or pushes your finger, he doesn't want scratches. He likely isn't sure what you mean when you stick your finger up there but don't do anything.
I always tell mine when I have to go bye-bye or it's time to go night-night. Tell him what you are doing and use it consistently.
Conures are usually vocal but get that initial wellness check. A good avian vet can talk with you about things too.
If he is laying low and wings are out a bit and he's shaking or vibrating, it means he wants you.
Neck snuggles and nibbles are awesome! Enjoy them as it means he is content.

 

[NikkiCat]

Thank you so much!
I appreciate it. I’ll try to breathe. I’m really giving it my all I promise.

 

[webchirp]

Thank you so much!
I appreciate it. I’ll try to breathe. I’m really giving it my all I promise.

I can see you are...but this should be fun for you too. And a gazillion cheekies and decades later, I still don't know everything and get surprised every now and then.

 

[sunnysmom]

I think it's normal to be a bit stressed out when you get a new bird. We all want to do everything perfectly We can't and we won't. LOL. Mistakes will be made and it will be okay. I consider @webchirp our conure expert. So she's a great resource when you need advise. All birds take some time to settle into a new home and it sounds like yours is doing really well already. As webchirp said, I have found that a routine helps a lot with a bird. Especially if you have to go to work. My cockatoo actually knows when I have to leave for work now and puts himself back in his cage. (Bedtime is a different story. LOL) When you leave for work, do you leave a TV or music on? Some sound can be helpful when a bird is alone during the day. It sounds like you're doing really well with him. So enjoy and relax.

 

[Alien J]

Hi, I think it sounds like you are doing a great job. I don't know anything about conures, but I know a lot about anxiety. I rescued a 19 day old abused cockatiel almost one year ago. Hard to fathom how cruel you have to be to abuse a little hatchling, but he was at death's door when I took him. To add to the anxiety, I had very little bird experience. I had raised a fledgling band tailed pigeon the summer before, and released him back to the wild, but that was all. Add to that the fact that my fiancee just had open heart surgery. Add to that the fact that we had given up our apartment and were living in a 25' RV on the road. Add to that the fact that I have two dogs in this 25' RV. Guess what? With the help of the people on the Avenue (and their patience, as I ran to them with every anxiety producing moment....about 100 times a day it seemed), my little TD has gone from this:

To this:

If this can happen with me, I know you will do just fine with your fid. Just remember...don't hesitate to turn to the good people here. They are the best you could ever find! Good luck. Post some pictures!

 

[webchirp]

this:
View attachment 276889
To this:
View attachment 276890

 

[Hjarta5]

This may help assuage your fears of being a bad parront: http://forums.avianavenue.com/index.php?threads/bird-groups-survival-guide.208429/

I have nothing to add as I agree with everyone's posts above, except: Congrats on adopting Tiki -- I hope you both grow old and happy together For me, I find spending time with my birds almost meditative -- we usually have some active engagement when I first greet them out of their cages, but they tend to do their own thing and I find it all very relaxing to just sit and watch them preen, eat, play, etc, without thinking or worrying about anything else. Birds live in the now, which is a very difficult thing for humans to do these days

 

[NikkiCat]

I can see you are...but this should be fun for you too. And a gazillion cheekies and decades later, I still don't know everything and get surprised every now and then.

Thank you. This made me feel much better!

 

[NikkiCat]

I think it's normal to be a bit stressed out when you get a new bird. We all want to do everything perfectly We can't and we won't. LOL. Mistakes will be made and it will be okay. I consider @webchirp our conure expert. So she's a great resource when you need advise. All birds take some time to settle into a new home and it sounds like yours is doing really well already. As webchirp said, I have found that a routine helps a lot with a bird. Especially if you have to go to work. My cockatoo actually knows when I have to leave for work now and puts himself back in his cage. (Bedtime is a different story. LOL) When you leave for work, do you leave a TV or music on? Some sound can be helpful when a bird is alone during the day. It sounds like you're doing really well with him. So enjoy and relax.

Thank you. I haven’t been leaving tv or music on. I keep forgetting. I feel like I’m making mistakes already because he seems to freak out sometimes and make a lot of noise and bite. I’m trying to relax more though.

 

[NikkiCat]

Hi, I think it sounds like you are doing a great job. I don't know anything about conures, but I know a lot about anxiety. I rescued a 19 day old abused cockatiel almost one year ago. Hard to fathom how cruel you have to be to abuse a little hatchling, but he was at death's door when I took him. To add to the anxiety, I had very little bird experience. I had raised a fledgling band tailed pigeon the summer before, and released him back to the wild, but that was all. Add to that the fact that my fiancee just had open heart surgery. Add to that the fact that we had given up our apartment and were living in a 25' RV on the road. Add to that the fact that I have two dogs in this 25' RV. Guess what? With the help of the people on the Avenue (and their patience, as I ran to them with every anxiety producing moment....about 100 times a day it seemed), my little TD has gone from this:
View attachment 276889
To this:
View attachment 276890
If this can happen with me, I know you will do just fine with your fid. Just remember...don't hesitate to turn to the good people here. They are the best you could ever find! Good luck. Post some pictures!

Thank you. It’s so nice to talk with someone else that has anxiety experience. It’s hard. Your fid looks amazing! I’m so impressed with all you went through! I value everyone’s help here so much.

 

[NikkiCat]

This may help assuage your fears of being a bad parront: http://forums.avianavenue.com/index.php?threads/bird-groups-survival-guide.208429/

I have nothing to add as I agree with everyone's posts above, except: Congrats on adopting Tiki -- I hope you both grow old and happy together For me, I find spending time with my birds almost meditative -- we usually have some active engagement when I first greet them out of their cages, but they tend to do their own thing and I find it all very relaxing to just sit and watch them preen, eat, play, etc, without thinking or worrying about anything else. Birds live in the now, which is a very difficult thing for humans to do these days

That post made me laugh. It’s certainly how I feel. I’m trying to relax.

 

[Lesley Yeung]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Animals are a lot toughter than people are. Also, they bounce back. They do feed off our emotions, l beleive.

Animals understand intention and forgive mistakes. Be patient with yourself as well as your bird. And "chillax". You are the best parront the little guy could have hoped for. He is very lucky. And (s)he knows it too.

I have been through the wars since my s.o brought Bird home with no prior discussion because Bird was living with a homeless person, on the street, in the cold and rain, in a cardboard box. Just want you to understand that I am not irresponsible. But I have made my share of mistakes. (although not nearly as many as my husband).

Animals are better at "talking" than we are, I think. And they don't waste "words".

My advice is to enjoy your fid, and grow together.

 

[Lady Jane]

Nicole you see you are not alone in this new phase of your life. There are many bird wise friends here to help you. You came to the right place. Keep using your anxiety reducing techniques and you will be fine.

 

[NikkiCat]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Animals are a lot toughter than people are. Also, they bounce back. They do feed off our emotions, l beleive.

Animals understand intention and forgive mistakes. Be patient with yourself as well as your bird. And "chillax". You are the best parront the little guy could have hoped for. He is very lucky. And (s)he knows it too.

I have been through the wars since my s.o brought Bird home with no prior discussion because Bird was living with a homeless person, on the street, in the cold and rain, in a cardboard box. Just want you to understand that I am not irresponsible. But I have made my share of mistakes. (although not nearly as many as my husband).

Animals are better at "talking" than we are, I think. And they don't waste "words".

My advice is to enjoy your fid, and grow together.

Thank you. I’m trying. Every morning I wake up with a panic attack. I just freak out because he’s always chirping, fluttering and moving in ways I don’t understand. And he seems to have these huge loud freak outs where he bites me out of nowhere. It surprises me every time. I can’t get him to play with toys on me. This morning I got him to eat veggies in front of me so that’s a plus.

 

[NikkiCat]

Nicole you see you are not alone in this new phase of your life. There are many bird wise friends here to help you. You came to the right place. Keep using your anxiety reducing techniques and you will be fine.

Thank you! I do rely on everyone’s knowledge here.

 

[finchly]

But I have made my share of mistakes. (although not nearly as many as my husband).

Hi Nicole, fellow Floridian,
You know, relationships take time. If you and I just met and I used sarcasm you might not be sure if I was serious or not. After you knew me 5 years you’d know.

The same goes with birds except they’re a different species so they’re even harder to read. Your bird sounds lovely and friendly so you’ve got that going for you. If you can just enjoy the journey, you’ll develop a wonderful bond with him.

If you can show a video, we can help you figure out what some of the body language means.

I’m like you, I worry and stress — trying to do my best — but then I sit down and one of them flies to me and takes a nap on my lap and I remember they’re more about love and happiness than worry.

You’re doing great. Please don’t try to do everything at once; provide the food, toys, and routine and let the bird work within your framework.

 

[birdlady87]

It sounds like the birb really likes and wants to hang out with you. This is a good thing. Don't be so hard on yourself! Lots of love and congrats on your flockmate!

 

[sunnysmom]

The first morning my cockatoo was in our house, I went running downstairs when I woke up because he wasn't making any noise and I was afraid he had died during the night. Seriously. It was so ridiculous but that was my first thought. That the stress of a new home had killed him. He of course was fine. So, you see, everyone has anxiety with a new bird. It will be fine. (Oh- and I long for those quiet mornings now. LOL. He thinks the whole house should be up at 6:30 a.m.)

 

[NikkiCat]

Hi Nicole, fellow Floridian,
You know, relationships take time. If you and I just met and I used sarcasm you might not be sure if I was serious or not. After you knew me 5 years you’d know.

The same goes with birds except they’re a different species so they’re even harder to read. Your bird sounds lovely and friendly so you’ve got that going for you. If you can just enjoy the journey, you’ll develop a wonderful bond with him.

If you can show a video, we can help you figure out what some of the body language means.

I’m like you, I worry and stress — trying to do my best — but then I sit down and one of them flies to me and takes a nap on my lap and I remember they’re more about love and happiness than worry.

You’re doing great. Please don’t try to do everything at once; provide the food, toys, and routine and let the bird work within your framework.

Hello! I’m trying to get a video for everyone to see. The biting and constant noises are making me wonder if he’s scared or I’m doing something wrong, only because I’m trying not to accidentally incourage biting. I do wonder if I am trying to do everything at once and confusing him.