- Joined
- 3/15/16
- Messages
- 2,951
There are so many more pictures. So many things I want to do with him. I miss him so much. He was the sweetest thing, begged for scritches, would fly to the floor and waddle to come find me. I keep asking myself what I could've done to prevent it. But there is no answer. There's the biggest possibility that he came to me like that. I keep thinking, should I have not purchased a breeder bird? But Tuki is a breeder bird and is amazing. Should I have not brought Diego home? Things seemed to have started when she came, but the blockage could've already been there. I always made sure no candles were lit, no one that smelled like smoke was allowed in the house, no pots or pans with teflon, no harsh cleaning supplies, no lotions until after they went to bed, no perfumes until I was out of the house, no hair dryers, etc. I was so cautious and still am. I made sure he had a good diet, fresh veggies even though I didn't always stick to my routine with them. I loved Rio and gave him everything I knew that I could. As much as he needed the surgery, I was selfish in thinking, if I hadn't done the surgery, he would have at least had Christmas with us. But he's no longer suffering, he's no longer in pain. It has been so difficult when people ask me about Rio. I lie and say I'm fine. I find other things to occupy my mind. I do more research on stuff for my other two, I do research daily on different species, I check Craigslist in case of any that need homes that I can share. I check rescues daily to share those in need. I try and read, play games, play with my kids. But I always end up cuddling with my dogs and thinking about Rio. It always comes down to that no matter how hard I try. I knew that when I picked up his ashes that it would be like loosing him all over again. So I tried to keep my mind clear until I get the phone call. Then my grandma got pneumonia and bronchitis. My husbands grandad had a stroke and has been extremely sick every since. There's drafts in the house, we need a roof. There's leaks under the house. Things outside need to be fixed. And all I can think about is how much better things would be if I had Rio to snuggle with me at night. Diego will sometimes cuddle with me, but she's not Rio. I need a snuggler. Yes he bit, yes he was cranky, yes he was the most aggravating little brat ever. Yes he screamed. Loudly. But all the snuggles made everything worth while. A piece of me died that day with Rio. My heart is broken. Nothing makes it better. 2016 has been the toughest year yet. I'm scared to take my animals to the vet until after the new year for fear of something else. I need things to get better. I need Rio. It's not fair. He was taken way too soon. I'm sorry this is so long. But I needed to get it off my chest. I've been trying to hold it in because I don't like breaking down. People just don't understand. They never do. But you guys do. You all will. And for that I am forever grateful that I found this site. My bird family. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have everyone's support through this entire situation. Goodbye Rio. Thank you for being my best friend if only for a few months. Thank you for showing me a love I never knew until you. Fly free baby, I'll see you again someday. Thank you.
What a beautiful bond you had with your baby. Beautiful pictures, too. So much love.
