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need life advice ...

ceresbly

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Kind of embarrassed to post this publicly, but need some fellow bird lover's advice. I am 28 years old, work full time, and have 2 blue and gold macaws. One is 7 years old and the other is 3. I am living with my boyfriend of 2 years and another close friend. No one in my life is as much of a bird lover as I am. My boyfriend cares about the birds, but isn't in love with the birds, and he told me last night that it is too hard, and he doesn't want to live with them any longer. In truth no one in my life wants to live with me because of the birds.
I am not angry at my boyfriend, I get it, and don't want to paint him in a bad light, pets aren't for everyone, especially the kind I prefer. He told me he is in search of his own apartment. That's fine, kind of. It just the house I am living in I can't afford without him, and there are barely any places that I can afford that will accept the birds. What do I do in this situation? I do not want to rehome my babies, the thought is excruciating and honestly part of me doesn't want to date someone who isn't as much of a bird fan as I am, but the reality is money. This is all just eating at me. I don't know how to afford them on my own, and because I work so much I really need someone else to help me keep them company and give them love and play, too. I just don't know what to do. My mom said I am young and sacrificing my life for the birds, and that I'll never keep a boyfriend because of them, to that I say whatever! and I don't agree. Though I kind of agree when my boyfriend tells me he is looking for his own place. but whatever again. what better thing could I give my life to than loving wonderful creatures and giving them a happy existence, that sounds like a damn good life to me.
I suppose I am just wondering how do you guys do it? How do you make it work? Mostly financially. Do you have people who love the birds like you do and help you? I don't have a career yet, I don't know what I want to do with my life, I haven't finished school. All I know is that the birds feel like home to me and I hate this situation of being poor and wanting to give them the world.
 

Tyrion

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This is a big problem ...I would look for a roommate that loves animals which is going to be hard but they are out there ...My mom lives with me so its easier financially and I have someone to look after my animals while Im not home so its easy for me right now but my mom isnt going to live for ever and I will be in your shoes when that happens ...large birds are a hard sell to most people ..I have a screamer in my flock which makes it even harder ...but I would start putting up ads for animal friendly roommates and explain in the add you have large birds or in the interview make sure they know that you have large birds and need a person who is bird friendly ... I dont think your sacrificing your life for your birds but its going to be harder to find the right person because you are a bird lover ...we are a world apart from "normal" people I think ...I would stick to your guns and find a person who loves animals to come live with you ...if you start looking now maybe you will have someone in place when you need it ..best of luck ..dont give up something will happen ;)
 

camelotshadow

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What is so "hard" for him to live with the birds? Some noise? May just be an excuse...likely he just wants to be on his own.
Shame he can't just live up to it.

You work full time so the birds are alone all day?

Is anyone else home.

I guess you are all renting the house? A new bird friendly roommate would be good.

Frankly thats the problem having birds before school is finished & not having a career or stable job & housing you can afford on your own as we can;t always rely on others to get us thru life.

You have birds that could live with you for the rest of your life & boyfriend baled in 2 years.

Good Luck.
 

Greencheek Lee

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I agree, look for a roommate. You would regret rehoming your babies. They will be with you longer than most relationships and they need you most. There are guys out there that will love your babies. My DH didn't know much about birds before, now he is as bad as I am...even having nightmares something happened to them!
 

Mizzely

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I would look to see if there is somewhere else you can live, or if you can get a roommate to help pay for the cost of the house. Are you having trouble financially with the care of the birds too?

I guess the other side of the coin is, if you can't afford the birds, and you can't give them any attention, is it fair to keep them, boyfriend aside?
 

Bokkapooh

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Honey, he is only making excuses. I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you that he wants to leave you. This is his way of saying it. No one just goes and gets their own apartment leaving someone they love behind.

You'll need to find pet-friendly roommates. There are those out there!!!! Put out ads/feelers. Same goes for whoever you want to be with, put out feelers to see if they'd be bird friendly people.

Join a local bird group for your city/state and put out feelers.

How I afforded living on my own and having 6 large parrots in a 2 bedroom apartment (with about smaller birds) is that I worked my bum off, didnt have a car and bused everywhere, and shopped smart. My savings went to vet care and my birds,new clothes when needed. Oh and I shopped(and still do) at Ross for cheap clothes that look nice. Everything became cheap. I had no internet. I had not Satellite or Cable. I watched movies and played PS2 games and READ BOOKS. I lived cheaply. My birds were happy and I was happy and we made ends meet.

I lived alone with my birds for 3 years.

I suggest getting a PET FRIENDLY rommate and have less birds than I did, so it wont be so hard on you. But you only have 2 macaws. I had 1 macaw and 5 cockatoos. 3 pairs of parrotlets and 4 cockatiels.

You can do it! Without that so called boyfriend. With a roommate or two who doesnt mind birds. But hopefully you do not mind that they have pets too (its sort of needed when you get a pet friendly roommate. You be OK with their pets and them with you. If they have cats and dogs, you'll need to set up some ground rules and expect it from them in return (discourage screaming past a certain time and before a certain time, etc) be flexible.
 

Macawnutz

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Don't let the door hit cha!

Oh man, my husband might be pretty upset if he said him or the birds. ;) They are more like children then pets. Your guys are pretty young, they will age with you and settle those wild tendencies. Ride out the bad times, that guy is not leaving you because of birds.
 

ceresbly

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Thanks guys!!! Your responses have been empowering. I will continue to read, and re-read. I never considered finding a bird friendly roommate, to be honest I didn't think one really existed. I live in a small(ish) college town in Montana, but I'm sure there are people here. My dream is opening a non-profit parrot sanctuary, but I am uncertain how to start. I got two years of college completed studying art and English lit but lost purpose and interest, pursuing those things didn't feel like a life path. The birds feel like a life path to me. I won't re home my birds, dang it!
.... Any ideas on how to start a parrot rescue? :)
unnamed.jpg
 
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camelotshadow

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Right now I'd leave time spent on the parrot sanctuary to the future.

Find suitable roommates. It should be easy in a college town but you need to be choosy & really research them.

Your birds lives are in danger should they smoke, or cook with improper pans, use bad hairdryers or forman grills or
clean with toxic chemicals etc...

Young college students have friends over who could smoke & tease the birds.

Cats & dogs in a small apt is asking for trouble. Where are the birds?

You have alot to figure out.

College students would be low on my list but if you needed to keep the house for 6 mo it might work.

Best to find someone you can live with & they can live with you. Its not easy to have a roommate.

How many bathrooms do you have?

A well established person is not going to want to share so you are looking at who who are like you trying to save money.

They have to be honest good people as they could steal from you or worse.

You have to be careful as you don;t only rent to them but the kind of friends they have & they too could move in a boyfriend & who knows what he will be like (he could have just got out of prison).

I have been in real estate for 30 plus years & have seen quite alot...so take my advice ...be careful.

As for your Mom it pains me that she thinks you are wasting your life on birds.
I guess she wants you married with grandkids for her? Its your life to chart your own course.

Boyfriends will come & go...it seems to be the way it is. Good men are hard to find but if they can't stick out some bird inconveniences its better to know now as they will never be able to stick with you through worse times.






 
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MiniMacaw

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Exactly as said above me, if he can't stick around because of birds then what about health issues, injuries, etc. I'd say bye to any man the second they said one of my pets was an inconvenience. I know somewhat what you're going through. I moved out on my own quite young and had a pit bull. No one wanted to rent to me. I went and begged three different doctors until one would write up a note that my pit bull was a therapy dog...And in a way he was because his love got me through a lot of stressful times...And the places I wanted to rent had no choice but to rent to me. I had that dog his whole life and he passed away from old age a couple years ago. It's a struggle sometimes but it's worth it.
Also, my husband would be horrified if I ever said to get rid of one of our animals so there are good men out there. :)
 

finchly

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MY FIRST HUSBAND GAVE ME THE ULTIMATUM: Him or the animals.

I remained single for the next 17 years. With pets.

I was your age, @ceresbly . I had to leave the house and go to a women's shelter with my children, and the animal shelter (who knew me from volunteering) took my pets. That;s when he called the women's shelter and said tell her she can come home but the animals cannot. I walked away.

Blah. I can't believe this dude said this after two YEARS. What a creep. My now hubby helps me out a LOT. Last year we were deciding to put a bird room in, he says well the flooring could be better so he replaced the carpet with hardwood, never said a word about the cost. He considers changing the papers in the cages his job. Oh and he vacuums -- the vacuum cleaner is "machinery" and that makes it "men's work."

I heard him in there talking to the tiels today, it made me laugh. And he came out with Ernie Pi on his shoulder!!! We were both shocked.

So yes, there are good men and good roommates. And if you don't find a roomie you can get a cheaper place -- you will find one. ;)

Hubby just told me he's going to go read to the birds. :)
 

Clueless

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I met a lady many years ago who told me her husband made her choose between her macaw and him. He didn't last. She told me she regretted giving up the macaw.....
 

Lodah

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My hubby is pretty cool, but once in a while he will say " could have had fish" ..I say " could have stayed single",...end of conversation..
Its hard enough emotionally to say goodbye to a loyal parrot /pet when it is their time... :cry3: The regret of just giving up a pet and then realizing your mistake would be far worse! :sad4: Find a pet loving partner or room mate! They do exist...plenty of people here to attest to that fact!
 

ceresbly

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The house I'm in currently is pretty perfect. It's an old country house with large windows and outside there is tons of trees and chirping birds.
My boss was letting me bring my birds to work a few times a week, but she stopped once her husband said it wasn't a pet store and we shouldn't have the animals there. (Jerk....)
Anyways, not everyone is pet people and I get it, I don't understand those types at all but they exist. My boyfriend loves people like I do animals. We're just... different in some ways. I'm an introverted homebody who would rather spend evenings with my birds, and he enjoys making connections with humanity.
I'm not giving him the ultimatum nor is he giving me the ultimatum, he just told me the birds wear on him mentally and emotionally and he is trying to make me see things realistically: that things have been really hard lately and it's due a lot to the birds.
I spent time with my mom today and she told me she would take care of the birds for a few weeks while
I figure things out...
I know I have a lot to figure out.
I'm weary of stranger roommates. Despite even if they love birds, but I suppose my options are limited.

Again he didn't declare he was leaving, he only brought up thoughts he's been having. things like I spend money on bird toys before I pay my bills, and then he has to cover me... blah. It's complicated :(

Thank you again for all of your stories and wisdom. I've never met people who own larger birds so it's comforting to know you're all out there, somewhere.
 

Marti36

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You can definitely find a guy who loves birds. My girlfriend knows that I will never give up my macaw no matter what. She used to get a little jealous and occasionally complain that whenever I had a little free time I would have Saffron with me but she has since accepted it. I would never risk Saffron going to a bad home and living miserably for the rest of her life just to appease a significant other.
 
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MiniMacaw

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Yea, I just couldn't personally tolerate a person who lays blame on my birds. End of story. They're blameless in that they are caged (even in an aviary it is not the forest) wild animals that need love and care. I would lose a lot of respect for anyone asking me to uproot innocent animals for their issues. Would not happen.

I am sorry you're going through this tough time and wish you the best of luck finding a solution so your birds and you can stay together.
 

Shinobi

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Well Ceresbly
I don't think you will have a problem finding a man that will fit you. (saw your photo, love the B&Gs, oh.... you look alright too:) We don't complain about how much we spend on the animals. The American Staffordshire terrier is my missus's dog ( well sort of ) she picked the dog and I got the birds. Anyway we just pay the bills, it's not your bill and my bill, it's the bills and that's part of being in a relationship The birds are part of who you are. A man will turn up one day and fit into your life.

Has for figuring things out. This bloke is dumping you because he can't handle the birds, because it's "too hard". Well from what I have read I think he's too soft mentally and emotionally. Do you really want someone in your life that goes to pieces has soon has life becomes "too hard". I also think that he is trying to make you see things his way, this is not realistically. Give him the flick and move on towards bigger and better things, you can be:holiday1
 

Clueless

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Just fyi, birds are a lot like toddlers......

Once you're a parent of a toddler, you will go through the same things. It's hard to know how a significant other will react to life when you have toddlers, unless you own birds.
 

ode.to.parrots

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I think you should really sit down and have an open conversation with your boyfriend. I know he is not giving you the ultimatum, but it sounds like he is trying to mentally plant a seed that might as well be an ultimatum. Or worse - the fact that he hasn't given you the ultimatum may mean he doesn't even want to give you the choice, he just wants out.

I really think you need to be direct with him. I think you need to tell him that the macaws are more than "just pets" (what does that phrase mean anyway? As though pets are somehow less worthy of dedication and love than people or children just because they are non-human animals). You need to emphasis that the macaws are here to stay, and if he cares about you or your happiness at all, he'll get that. Tell him you'd regret it forever if you gave up your macaws...
I also think you need to ask him directly if he is really thinking about leaving you because of the macaws or if he is just using the macaws as an excuse... If he has any respect for you at all, he should be able to tell you honestly why he is considering leaving you. He does realize that he is totally screwing you over by threatening to leave you, right? I'm honestly surprised that you are not blatantly pissed off at him for this...

I also think that it is absolutely absurd that he is still in the mindset of "your bills" vs "my bills." That's nonsense, and it shows that he doesn't think of your relationship as a "serious" relationship. Those who are in a serious relationship are eager to work as a team and share everything. He's not being a team player.

I'm not going to lie, the road ahead will be tough. But, no matter what, you will get through these tough times! And you will do so with your beautiful, loving flock by your side!

Best of luck, and keep us posted!
 
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