Losing faith in myself

[Lwalker]

Bleeding again. Coco launched himself again. Another ear bite and hands. Cricket has started barbering again. Watson is extra fidgety. I feel it might be the general stress. Cricket no longer comes to my shoulder. Feel like I am not doing anyone any good.

 

[Sweet Louise]

Things are not as good as they were, but you are still offering a loving home where they are safe and well fed. This too shall pass, hang in there. It is so disheartening and must be more so when it is three having a rough time and not just one. They may be feeding off each other's stress?

 

[Garet]

Hey, none of this is your fault. Did you ask Coco to bite you? Did you ask Cricket to start chewing? Is Watson fidgetty because you told him a super scary story?

I know you can feel like a big failure of a person, but you don't have a magic wand. All you have to offer them is You, and what you're doing is amazing, okay? Most people would give up on Coco and Cricket, but you're there for them, doing all that you can.

It's okay to be frustrated and sad, but never doubt yourself.

 

[Sarahmoluccan]

Im so sorry I wish I could help. Hang in there! And whatever you decide to do, you'll have my support

 

[iamwhoiam]

Don't feel like a failure. Just hang in there and do the best you can. Things will turn around sooner or later.
Sorry you got bit.

 

[Alien J]

Never feel like a failure @Lwalker . You were one of the first people to welcome TD and I to the Avenue. One of the first to offer advice and encouragement to me when I felt utterly useless, clumsy, and inept. You're one of our heroes...and I know you are a hero to your flock.

Hormones rage, birds get testy, humans (or hoomans as Milton would say) get stressed out. Take a deep breath, love your birdies and all will be well...eventually.

 

[Erikalynnha]

You got this! You are not a failure! Everyone hits rough patches I'm sure this isn't the first and it won't be the last. Just roll on through it, this will be a mere silly memory among many. Keep being the amazing fid owner that you are

 

[ode.to.parrots]

I am so sorry things have been so stressful and difficult...

I know how you feel - about "losing faith" in yourself... I've been in a similar place lately... After three vet visits with two different vets, six different medications (at different times), almost $2,000 in vet bills (so far), Buckbeak is still panting when he breaths, and we still don't know why. And though Indy has gotten a clean bill of health, he still plucks from time to time... I hate that feeling when you know you are doing your best, and you know you are trying to do everything you can and you feel like it is just not enough... Even just typing this out is bringing tears to my eyes. It's a rotten feeling. Because we love our birds, and we want to give them everything.

On days like these, it is easy to miss the big picture. I know I do.

We all know you are giving your best. That's all any of us can do - give our birds the best that we can. Yet that in itself - that desire to give our birds our best - is so much more than what most people seem willing to give to a bird. In my tiels' last home, no one even considered offering them the best - they were offered the minimum there. But the fact that you are willing to give your birds your best, even when it's hard, well, then you've got one lucky flock.

Stay strong.

 

[aooratrix]

It's not you; it's him being a healthy, mature male parrot. Trust me, I feel your pain. Clip his wings if you haven't already. Talk to @melissasparrots and @Mockinbirdiva. Stop giving him opportunities: you can't think you're safe; you have to know. And remember that he's not himself and really can't help it.

 

[Clueless]

It's not you; it's him being a healthy, mature male parrot. Trust me, I feel your pain. Clip his wings if you haven't already. Talk to @melissasparrots and @Mockinbirdiva. Stop giving him opportunities: you can't think you're safe; you have to know. And remember that he's not himself and really can't help it.

And remember this fellow has a male macaw trying to attack him, EVEN AFTER HE FEEDS HIM A GOURMET MEAL!!!!

All of us have been where you are.

I can only suggest that you make yourself a cup of hot cocoa, take a bubble bath, go to bed early. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

[melissasparrots]

Put him in his cage with some toys and leave him there for the next few weeks. At this point, letting him out...you know how its going to end. A pattern has been established. You all need to de-stress. Amazons are not emotionally complicated. You don't need to worry about damaging him if you leave him in his cage. When you do take him out again, don't give him a chance to launch himself at you. Don't put him in a situation where he is just casually hanging out within range to attach to you. I have a small house too, so I handle it by putting a playgym in a room I don't need to be in every moment of the day. I put a playgym in my bedroom and hormonal and unpredictable birds can be in there with the door closed while I'm somewhere else playing with my other birds. The trip back to the cage is step up, stuff a treat in their face and immediately back to the cage. Do not stop for sweet talk because that gets you bit. But first, you need to put a stop to the pattern your in. Cage him and give yourself a mental break. Push the guilt away because guilt causes people to let their aggressive bird out, which causes them to get bit again, then feel more guilt, plus fear and then rehome the bird. Amazons just aren't complicated enough to feel guilty over IMO.

 

[Mockinbirdiva]

Oh dear.... I am so sorry Lori. I, as well as others know how purely frustrating it is to deal with a highly aggressive parrot. Like Melissa said, it's ok to keep him in his cage for a while. You need to de-stress and be able to move about without the threat of being injured. He still needs time to adjust to his environment and he is clearly trying to establish his territory and sadly that means attacking you to drive you out of his space. I've been there and I'm sure it won't be the last time with Henry either. Coco has shown that he can be a gentle companion prior to this behavior and right now, only time will tell. I believed with my whole heart I would never be able to touch Henry again two years ago. He launched at me too with every fiber of his feathered being to attack and hurt me. I was lucky. The two times he landed on me I was able to shake him off before he could bite. His demeanor has changed so much in the last two years. I still have to be on guard but for the last year .. he does a silly dance to beg me to scratch his head.... every night and I do. I'll go back to your other thread where I was writing... it got so long I haven't been back to it. In the twelve years I've had Henry I have only been bitten twice.. both my fault. I'll go into that when I write again. You can still give them all a good home. You may not be able to have hands on contact but you can still be a wonderful provider.

 

[Mockinbirdiva]

This is for you to see the face of my green monster... though not a monster currently.. just imagine this guy coming at you. I took this photo three or four weeks ago. I noticed a pink area on the bottom of one of his feet one morning before I opened his door. He put his foot up on the bars and I was able to look. I don't normally wear my glasses around the birds. I've had a rope perch in his view to get him used to it and had put it in a couple of weeks before seeing his foot. I have long ago tried changing perches only to have him stress out about the change.... so I had to put the old ones back. I had a new one to put in where his food and water are so I put it in.... OMG.. it has a nice shape.. bigger around... curved... He was so afraid of it he didn't eat any of his pellet food for three days... there was an almond he loves in that cup. He wouldn't even sit on his other favorite perch because it was near the new one. So he adapted to the rope perch. I took the metal ladder off the top of his cage that leads to the top perch. The poor guy has been so out of sorts over the changes. I have to think out of the box with him and gradually do anything. The tough guy can really be a sissy about change. But three days not eating.... I had to amend. I did however.... stand still for fifteen minutes for those three nights for him to eat his favorite cooked food out of a bowl. That was torture for my legs but I had to make sure he would eat something. Sometimes, we just do what we gotta do. Yeah.. I'll have to write more when I have a bit more time.. and tell you how badly he freaked out about the wrap I put on that metal ladder... which is why I just left it off. Now that he doesn't sit on the top perch over his cage waiting for me to change his papers.... he's closer to me when I'm busy than I'm that comfortable with. Oye...

 

[txdyna65]

Lots of good advice already. hang in there Lori, we all support you.

 

[WallyLoopey]

Chnage up the routine a bit? Can the birds be moved safely to a patio (in their cage) for a bit of supervised sunshine?

Walter is my trouble bird (macaw) and after he’s put in his aviary for about an hour or if I put him in the shower on his stand- he really calms down.

The same goes for my mean little lorikeets. When I bring them in from the aviary they are quiet as a mouse.


Maybe they are hoping I won’t put them back out there!! Haha!


Hang in there-amazons are difficult, one person birds in general. That is not your fault or doing.

 

[sunnysmom]

 

[cassiesdad]

You are not a failure. Sometimes it gets to all of us...and more often that we admit to ourselves.

Sending strong, supportive thoughts out to you , Lori...and lots of

 

[Lwalker]

Thanks everyone - you don't know how much these comments have meant to me. After speaking to the shelter again, and my vet, and taking a couple of days "time-out" (aka - time in cage) for the sake of everyone, Coco seemed different yesterday so... I let him out (yes I am a sucker for punishment). He climbed to the top of his cage and jumped over the step-up stick on to my back again. I froze (thinking oh, oh, here we go again) and he casually walked up my back to sit on my shoulder (which I don't allow) and started to preen himself! He nicely transferred to my hand and I gave him two almonds which he took happily. I kept him with me for about 10 minutes and then transferred him back to the cage (didn't want to try my luck). We had one more 10 minute outing with a reward last night and lots of "good boy" talk and clicking back and forth. I know you all told me he would come back but I really had to see it to believe it - a total Jekyll and Hyde. It lasted 10 weeks total (May through to July) - seemed to start and end almost overnight.

After much soul searching, he is staying with me. I had to seriously consider what to do for the best of all and yes, I admit that I considered giving him back to the shelter. It sounded sensible when I was at work in the office but when I got home and looked him in the eye, all sense went out the window. He belongs with me.

I am planning for next spring already. Money is a bit tight so I am trying to decide whether to get a new cage right now or a play/perch station. For some reason he is not taken with my tree. the idea is to get him on something lower so that he cannot jump onto people (as Jekyll or Hyde!)

His blood work came back and his calcium (which was a worry 6 months ago) is normal. the only issues now are low phosphorus (0.4 mmol/L and should be 0.9 - 1.8) and high bile acids - preprandial (119 and should be between 10 and 100)

The vet did not recommend milk thistle at this point as the other results were fine but wants him to switch entirely from seeds to pellets and to cut down on nuts and increase exercise (he is a perch potato outside of his human hunting season)

Hopefully the worst of it is over for this year and next year I will be better educated thus, better prepared.
Thanks again everyone. Your honest portrayals helped put everything into context.

Edit - I forgot to say his weight went up from 400 to 410 so he isn't starving but the vet said too many nuts are making him tubby. From now on I am supposed to hide the nuts and make him work for them, foraging. Problem is he doesn't seem to have made it past Piaget's object permanence stage - he watched me hide the nut but when it is out of sight, he loses all interest

 

[cassiesdad]

As I like to say...now we tie a knot in the rope and start climbing from here...

 

[Fergus Mom]

I just wanted to give you a huge hug! You are so sweet to offer your home and your heart to him, and I think that small little voice in our head will always steer us right. Sure sounds like it has steered you in the right place at this time! You have done your best for him and that's all anyone can ask of themselves.