Human Behavior! Patience practice?

[Kenzie]

Odd question, but birds need a patient and calm handler to be successful and happy. I am flawed with both to an extent. I, of course, notice when I am being not patient or not calm and try to catch it very quickly... but it is hard. Has anyone faced this issue & what have you done or what would you personally recommend to help build patience & stay calm in frustrating situations.

A lot of my impatience and lack of calmness stems from my childhood, growing up with hot-headed parents who took to yelling & getting extremely aggressive in frustrating situations... it has since bled over to me in my adult life. But I know I cannot yell & do that silly stuff with birds. I don't yell at them... just get frustrated easily.

 

[Begone]

First, have motivation for competitions.
Second, train really hard every day, at least 2-4 hrs.
Third, never let any energy thief's (I hope you understand what I mean by that) comes near you and "eat" all your good energy and mood.

It is working? Yes it is!

I can also make myself very calm and focus. I'm using mediation for that.
To find your inner peace perhaps sounds weird, but that is what everyone should do.

 

[Kodigirl210]

If you are easily frustrated then learn how to walk away (mentally or physically) Birds are especially sensitive to emotion and doubly so to strong ones.


For me, the best way to handle frustration as well as learning to walk away - is to change the conversation you’re having - usually internally. Learn to live in the moment instead of having the next 5,10,20-steps laid out in your head.


There’s a difference between setting & achieving a goal versus setting & forcing a goal. If you force a goal, that means you try to control every step, every action along with every possible variable. Anything that happens to jar or shake that leads to being upset and angry.


Achieving a goal means you know you can logically only control certain variables therefore things will happen outside of your control and you accept, reassess, adapt , redirect to move onto get to your goal.


I also know that it’s a lot easier “on paper” to say what to do than to live it but if you have an honest internal conversation and learn to give up some that need to control, you will be happier with your bonded birb and with life overall.


As @Eloy said, one of those methods to quiet some of that internal noise is to meditate. Other things that can help are checking your diet to focus on foods that are good for the body and keep it on an even keel versus a lot of up down due to things like sugar/carbs. Eating regularly is great but also have healthy snacks handy in case your diet is irregular due to schedules – in other words avoid the hangry. Make sure you set aside enough time for adequate sleep. Everyone who is tired has a harder time thinking which usually leads to irritation, frustration and full blown anger.


Taking multiple breaks throughout your down time will help as well. It sounds like an oxymoron to take breaks during your break time but most of us have chores to do during our so called down time. Whether it’s clothes, cooking, school, work, cleaning etc etc trying to scramble through quickly usually leads to more spent energy than breaking it up by doing a little laundry, then a little cooking, then school work, then back to laundry because you’re segmenting it to keep your mind fresh and focused by not burning it out by doing one thing for a long time.


Your birb is going to be along for the ride through most of this. Bonding is not an explosive, loud condition it is sitting and vegging. Reading a book aloud to your feathery friend. Singing ditties and watching tv together.


Doing training is important to but like everything else suggested it’s not about focusing on one thing for 2 hours, rather its about 5-10 minutes working on one thing, taking a scritch break, working on something else for another 5-10 minutes, play time, training etc. Like with the down time, your keeping both you and your birb fresh, which will lead to a lot less frustration than spending 2 straight hours focused on one single thing. Birds don’t learn that way & trying to force it won’t work either.


Also focusing on one item for a small amount of time helps your internal conversation because you have to adapt by setting reasonable goals for the amount of time allotted regardless if it’s reading a chapter in a book or working with your birb to step up consistently.


Like being bit by a bird-you have to accept it happened, reassess to see why you got bit, adapt your actions or redirecting the birb’s actions to avoid another bite. Similarly you have to accept that you are angry/frustrated. Reassess why you are angry. Adapt to remove those issues/actions that lead to frustration/anger and redirect your energy so you don’t fall into that trap again.


Once again, I realize that a lot of this is easy to say but harder to do. Your feathered friend is someone who loves and accepts you in spite of yourself. The more you are in the here and now, the less likely you will be planning things so far in advance it’s untenable & the frustration that follows, the happier you will be. The happier you are the better your life will be and so will everyone’s that is connected to you. It’s a tough cycle to break but definitely worth the rewards you will see both personally and professional.

 

[Davi]

Very good advice so far! I would add that the app Calm is a GREAT addition to anyone's daily routine. It's free to download and some features are free, so you might find it helpful in building your patience and inner calm. It does wonders for me. (and God knows our little birbs know just which buttons to push!)

 

[Kenzie]

Thank you all for the advice! Very helpful. I need to keep notes around to remind me to stay calm . Thankfully my significant other is a naturally calm person & he has helped me a ton on my path to keeping my cool!

 

[Sylvester]

This is a very good post whose honesty I find refreshing.

When I am feeling out of sorts, I do not interact at all with my birds, not even to say hello.

Birds can try our patience even on the best of days, they are loud, demanding, and prone to biting. There have been times when I have wanted to kick Fred into next week.

My advice: Get your coat on, and then take a long walk, or drive, to calm down and clear your head.

If you have yelled at the bird, then come back when you have calmed down. Sit outside the cage and just try explaining, using a soft voice, why you were mad.

And remember, you are only human.

 

[Fuzzy]

Kenzie I totally relate with you. I feel I am very similar and also grew up in a household with a lot of shouting and aggression. I too am quick to get angry, frustrated and impatient plus I am feeling totally stressed out with my life at the moment which is not helping. Reading the solutions with gratitude and interest. Wow - I can totally relate to the control aspect Kodigirl. I am going to try to follow all the suggestions here. Thank you for being so honest, Kenzie - you are helping me too.

 

[Lady Jane]

Good topic.

 

[tka]

You've already got some great tips! I tend towards being anxious rather than being cross, but something that helps me is thinking about the bigger picture. Does yelling or getting cross help improve the situation? Is it a good use of my time and energy?

I have to admit that it's something that happens more often with a very small minority of my students than with Leia. Leia is honestly a perfect angel in comparison to some of my students! I do get frustrated with these students and I do occasionally need to vent to a colleague, but I try to have my outlet then let go of the frustration and impatience. Being cross doesn't help these students and negatively impacts on my interactions with them, and only makes me feel worse.

Something you can try is to refocus on your body when you feel that you're getting frustrated - thinking about your breathing (and maybe doing some breathing exercises) or thinking about tensing and relaxing different parts of your body may help. You can also try visualisation exercises: you can try imagining all your frustration and impatience flowing out of your body and dissipating into the air. These don't have to be complex, just enough to break you out of that spiral of frustration.

As others have said, make sure that you're eating and drinking enough (my girlfriend gets irritable when she's dehydrated), are sleeping well and getting some fresh air. If all else fails, simply removing yourself from the situation helps. Your relationship with your bird will tolerate you putting your bird back in the cage for 20 minutes while you take a short walk to clear your head. It might not tolerate you getting angry and yelling at your bird in anger.

 

[lexalayne]

My youngest child is 17 and my oldest is almost 30.. only 2 of my 5 kids like the birds
2 tolerate them and 1 is terrified..,

4 of my kids have a father who is easily frustrated and screams, swears etc a lot.

One of my sons who tolerates my birds and is a bit afraid of them (two macaws declared him as their own) smirk ... can be short tempered and is easily frustrated. He works at keeping his temper. And as a side note he had been in rehab battling drug addiction in his late teens, years ago now but it explains his comparison;

He’s sitting on the couch watching tv and our feisty rescue B&G comes swooping into the large living room, spots his love and veers towards him ... (this parrot had a rough life.. drug house people abandoned him and he was netted by animal control who knows how many days after they left)
And this guy loves only my youngest daughter and my apprehensive son. His favorite trick is to hide behind his dome cage and jump and scream at People when they walk by and laugh when they jump.

His philosophy for dealing with large parrots who may be feisty, loud, angry, snippy, eyes pinning... when he’s already short tempered, not so happy about a couple of macaws being madly in love with him, and easily frustrated; I heard him tell his friend this:

Around the parrots I have to let go of any anger or frustration I have and I imagine myself being in the frame of mind when I took opiates - very calm and happy and then they’re fine with me. Then he looked at his friend and said “but don’t look them straight in the eye if they don’t know you at first, they’re prey animals ya know !

It shook me hearing him say that honestly. But I guess we all have our own ways of coping with our emotions while around our birds. And I was happy he had learned pinning eyes weren’t so great and don’t stare them down. He lives hours away now. And I’m proud he tried with them despite his fear and frustrations and he loved that the grumpiest two took to him.

 

[Kenzie]

Glad I can help some people @Fuzzy and you too. I need to have some sticky notes around reminding me in big bold letters to stay calm . Might help me, as well.

 

[lexalayne]

Glad I can help some people @Fuzzy and you too. I need to have some sticky notes around reminding me in big bold letters to stay calm . Might help me, as well.

And I need one that says “chill don’t take it personally”. Lol !

 

[Kodigirl210]

I always have to shake my head when people say my bird hates me & is trying to hurt me. My CAG has been thru he_ll. Going blind & 2-partial toe amputations at just 6-months. If anything She has the right to hate me. Instead her favorite thing in the world is still to lay on my chest and get scritches for as long as I care to give them. Sometimes it can be over 2hours. After all she has been through she doesn’t hold it against me. She doesn’t blame me. She doesn’t think I’m evil. Sif accepts that some things have happened and it is what it is. She doesn’t linger on it or constantly think about it or plot how she can get back at me because birbs just don’t think that way. They feel the emotions and the inner self of their bonded or potential bonded not the outer appearance. That’s why it’s important to be calm, happy and to project positive energy. With that all things are possible - including spending an afternoon giving scritches to a CAG that had surgery and turned 6-months less than a week ago.