How do you cope with the loss?

[Crazy4parrots]

I’m having trouble with losing Baylee Like I see a banana I cry I see her toys I cry… the silence is overwhelming… I today found a feather from her in my room and there I went crying.The other day I saw a publicity from a pet store with baby lovebirds in it and I cried.

 

[Pixiebeak]

It's one day at time ..

 

[April]

Time is cliché but true. It was just the 6th anniversary of me losing Nala and it still doesn't seem real or possible that it's been that long. I cried myself to sleep several times over the years thinking about her and it just hurt so much that she was gone.
As time has gone on the pain has lessened some but it will always be there until we are reunited again.

 

[faislaq]

It stops hurting as often over time. I still tear up over Pistachio when certain reminders come up, but he's not in my thoughts daily anymore. And I can smile about most of my memories of him as long as I don't dwell on them too long.

 

[GreenThing]

Grief is similar to physical or mental illness in a lot of ways-- it grafts onto you and seems to effect every little thing. Like a bout of depression, sometimes you just have to endure it without knowing when it will loosen its grip a little. But it will loosen. Humans are still an animal like other animals, and we aren't built to remain in a state of heightened emotion forever.

Gratitude has helped me a lot. Writing stories and drawing pictures where I immortalize treasured moments. Remembering that we are all here for a brief moment and that suffering is something that unites all of humanity in shared experience helps, too. Honestly, having depression made things a little easier, because I'm used to bracing for this feeling of, "things are just going to suck for a while, but it will be okay".

For Christmas my mom gave me a bird painted on a leaf in a little frame from a thiftstore-- probably an old tourist trinket. She wrote the note, "A little bird-- not to keep-- but to hold for a little while." That's life. We feel that sorrow with you-- you aren't alone.

 

[cnyguy]

Grief sets its own schedule and as the others have said, time will gradually ease the pain of loss. In my experience, you never stop missing a parrot you've lost, but the pain of loss subsides and the sadness lessens over time.

 

[Crazy4parrots]

With Kiwi the dwelling lasted about 3 years also I still think about him I don’t cry anymore unless it’s the day he died that day I think a lot about him and cry but I still had Baylee so I focused my attention on her. But now I have no other birds and I feel it will take forever.

 

[Mizzely]

It doesn't go away, we just get better at dealing with it. Everyone gets through it differently. Don't try to "get over it".

This analogy works well for me: The Ball and Box Analogy on Coping with Grief

 

[AW2023]

Grief is similar to physical or mental illness in a lot of ways-- it grafts onto you and seems to effect every little thing. Like a bout of depression, sometimes you just have to endure it without knowing when it will loosen its grip a little. But it will loosen. Humans are still an animal like other animals, and we aren't built to remain in a state of heightened emotion forever.

Gratitude has helped me a lot. Writing stories and drawing pictures where I immortalize treasured moments. Remembering that we are all here for a brief moment and that suffering is something that unites all of humanity in shared experience helps, too. Honestly, having depression made things a little easier, because I'm used to bracing for this feeling of, "things are just going to suck for a while, but it will be okay".

For Christmas my mom gave me a bird painted on a leaf in a little frame from a thiftstore-- probably an old tourist trinket. She wrote the note, "A little bird-- not to keep-- but to hold for a little while." That's life. We feel that sorrow with you-- you aren't alone.

What a profound note. You have a good mom.

 

[rocky'smom]

After I lost Rocky, I couldn't deal with anything parrot wise for weeks. I covered his cage with his blankets and let it sit until I was more able to cope with it. You have to let the anguish,the hurt, the heartache, heal some before you even try to take that first step. And even that first step is painful, but you will know when it's time to try.
Set up a memory box of those things that you find Baylee's feathers that you find, her favorite toy, a picture of her that you love. Those are the memories you want to keep.

 

[Clueless]

I wound up in therapy.

I lost weight while walking through the journey to the vets trying to save him. I went through the highs of the tumor being removed and a successful surgery to the lows of realizing it was cancer.

It hurt horribly but I had my friends here at this forum who listened.

Vent here anytime and know that we listen and feel for you. Therapy helped me far more than I thought possible. Never had considered it before losing MC.

I still miss him and haven't had the courage to look at his videos. I have snuck back to a few pictures of him on threads here so I guess I am healing.

 

[Crazy4parrots]

My mom and me talked and we are going to order through here a painted feather with Baylee and Kiwi on it. Like the one we ordered for SandraK at one time but this time is for us to remember both Baylee and Kiwi.

 

[Crazy4parrots]

It doesn't go away, we just get better at dealing with it. Everyone gets through it differently. Don't try to "get over it".

This analogy works well for me: The Ball and Box Analogy on Coping with Grief

Thanks for this link! So I read it and I feel a little bit better I had the strength to look her stuff and cry but didn’t feel difficulty breathing like before reading the article. Even though I still can’t look at her empty cage! I did took her plate and water bowl and toys out and stored them.

 

[Clueless]

It's a step at a time.

 

[Zara]

I still can’t look at her empty cage! I did took her plate and water bowl and toys out and stored them.

It's a step at a time.

Exactly. Slowly and in your own time!
I have lost two birds over the last two months but I haven't had to deal with an empty cage. But I remember when I lost my dog Jacob, I left his coat, lead and harness hanging in my kitchen for months 'til I was able to wash them, and store them away. I had emptied the water but struggled a lot in boxing his things away.
I had a similar thing with Sydneys toys, he has two that were his even though he shared his cage, and they are still in the cage even though I know that Adelie will not touch them. Maybe one day I will be able to take them out and store them, but until then they are not hurting anyone and I am just not ready.
My friend lost a lovebird the other year, and I remember they laid a sheet over the cage to cover it, and left it until they were ready to deal with it (well, as ready as they could be). Maybe you could do that?
Don't rush yourself.

 

[fluffypoptarts]

I also leave the cage covered until I’m ready to deal with them being gone. There’s no good way to lessen the pain, it just takes time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

 

[Crazy4parrots]

So my mom found through a friend a woman that have many parrots and they don’t have toys she have lovebirds, macaws, Amazon parrots, Indian ringnecks so I’m going to donate to the lovebirds Baylee’s food (I have 2 unopened bags of seeds and 1 of millet) plus some toys that Baylee never used just a few along with 2 perches.
I don’t have toys for the other ones as I have always have small parrots. My mom thinks it would be good for me to see other parrots I feel I’m going to cry when I see the lovebirds.

 

[Zara]

That is very kind to donate the items.

If you don't feel ready to see the lovebirds, don 't push yourself. But if you feel it is something you need to do, maybe take something with you for comfort? or someone like you mum?

 

[Crazy4parrots]

That is very kind to donate the items.

If you don't feel ready to see the lovebirds, don 't push yourself. But if you feel it is something you need to do, maybe take something with you for comfort? or someone like you mum?

Yeah I feel it’s something I need to do..