Help! Quaker hates boyfriend-

[Reiker#7]

So my Quaker, (I've had him for about 1 & half yrs now), he was a baby when I got him, hates my boyfriend. Quaker bites him, screams when bf is near him or me. And to make matters even worse Quakers' flight feathers are growing out & soon he'll be able to fly to attack my bf. My boyfriend is not a "bird person" & refuses to interact with either of my birds. (I think this just makes him more of a target)! Any suggestions? Especially about my Quaker flying to attack?!

 

[Lady Jane]

If you BF does not like birds and you do that is a huge conflict. Your Quaker must be able to tell and act out on this instinct. To tell you the truth I would get a new BF.

 

[Irishj9]

You know you need a new boyfriend, right?

In the meantime, keep them apart, it is birdie hormonal season, Then re-introduce boyfriend,...... slowly, and bearing many lovely gifts for birdie.

If your other bird is the caique in the avatar, and he likes your B/F, you may have some assistance from that front.

 

[JLcribber]

Here is the psychology behind what's going on.

Site Name - Articles - Behavioral - Sex And The Psittacine

 

[sunnysmom]

If your bf isn't willing to work with your Quaker, you may just have to keep them apart. My tiel wasn't crazy about my bf either at first (technically the tiel was his but that's another story....) . Anyway, I had him start helping with his care- changing his water and seed, covering him at night, letting him out when I wasn't home, etc. They eventually became good friends- although I was always his favorite. But if your bf isn't willing to work with him, I don't think there's much you can do.

 

[Wasabisaurus]

That speaks to me that boyfriend is stubborn, cold and unwilling to at least try. That's a lot of negative energy, and remember that birds are ultra sensitive to our moods.

My guess is that bf is going to present you with an ultimatum in the future. Would you give up your birds for a man? Sounds like he is not at all tolerant and that's going to manifest itself in the future.

I have been there. Got rid of him.

I am afraid for your bird's safety. If your bird attacks the boyfriend......I can't even express what I am thinking. Can you imagine what the bird thinks and feels with an unfriendly presence in the home?

Boyfriend and negative energy are not going to work. If he is that negative around the birds, I can't believe he is wonderful with you. I'd get rid of boyfriend. His presence is not in the best interest of the birds.

JMO.

 

[Reggie]

In contrast with many people who've previously commented about how you should "get a new boyfriend" (you don't have to do that over your Quaker not liking him), I think you should sit down and have a chat with him about maybe helping some with your Quaker - changing water, uncovering his cage in the morning, and maybe feeding him millet? I know how non-bird people are, because my dad is like that, but I've talked him into at least feeding my birds millet so they get to know him and his energy y'know?
Please don't dump your boyfriend over your pet not liking him - that's not a good enough reason to separate! There is a way to get your Quaker and your boyfriend like each other, it just might take some pushing to get him to realize that if he wants the squawking and mean behavior to stop, he has to get involved. But emphasize that it doesn't have to be physical contact interaction! It could just be feeding him millet!
(Also if you're worried about your bird injuring another person, it would be your duty as a bird owner to clip the bird's wings (or have them clipped) until the bird is no longer a threat.)
On another note, there was a separate thread wherein people were discussing reasons why they can't have a relationship because of their birds, and I completely disagree with anyone commenting about "I've seen behavior like this before" and "None of my lovers like my birds so I dumped them" and "it's me or the birds" etc. etc. etc.
Relationships with birds who hate your SO are normal and fine (and obviously they happen a lot more than I thought?). It took so long before my first bird Jersey would accept millet from my mother, and I'm about to bring home a GCC and if he doesn't like my boyfriend? I'm not going to break up with him. Simple as that.
It's going to take some time and effort, but maybe there's a way you can coax him into doing simple things that shows the Quaker that your boyfriend isn't a threat. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need anything I'm always here to help! (Cause I might be going through the same thing soon.)

 

[lexalayne]

Gooooooood Luck.................. either extreme isn't good. Hopefully BF doesn't actively try to persuade u to rehome your quaker and hopefully your quaker doesn't
try and dive bomb him .. with any luck maybe they might be able to tolerate each other .... a bit...

Mine are all different as far as this goes and most are jealous but the reactions are different. It would be so much easier if they were like the dogs, usually warming up but some do and some don't. I've found my birds like my kids (i have 5), some better than they like me but a bf? ....not so much. And the ones that do like a SO go to everyone.

 

[BirdLover_]

Honestly, i would make your bf to get a treat and put it inbetween his fingers and hopefully the Quaker takes it and doesnt bite. If he bites work with him a bit more and make sure to tell your bf not to pull away from the Quaker really fast if he tries to elt the Quaker step up because the Quaker would thdn think he has to be faster to get on. If the parrot takes the treat from his fingers, move to step 2 which is getting his favorite treats and putting them in your bfs hand and if the Quaker trusts him enough, he should start eating the treats, if he bites make sure to leave him alone for a while so he doesnt get so stressed. You could also try to just have your bf sit near the cage or wherever the Quaker is and just talk to him with a nice calm voice and maybe give him a treat. Then after that try to give him food from your bfs hand.
Honestly, thats what i would do in this situation.

 

[Reiker#7]

That speaks to me that boyfriend is stubborn, cold and unwilling to at least try. That's a lot of negative energy, and remember that birds are ultra sensitive to our moods.

My guess is that bf is going to present you with an ultimatum in the future. Would you give up your birds for a man? Sounds like he is not at all tolerant and that's going to manifest itself in the future.

I have been there. Got rid of him.

I am afraid for your bird's safety. If your bird attacks the boyfriend......I can't even express what I am thinking. Can you imagine what the bird thinks and feels with an unfriendly presence in the home?

Boyfriend and negative energy are not going to work. If he is that negative around the birds, I can't believe he is wonderful with you. I'd get rid of boyfriend. His presence is not in the best interest of the birds.

JMO.

I agree with you! If I had to choose: I'd choose my birds always over any boyfriend & boyfriend is clear on this & that is why we're still together! He would not make me choose. I just must keep them apart. Im with my birds a lot without him around, maybe thats why they see him as an intruder? Well, good thing he works long hours!

 

[Reiker#7]

In contrast with many people who've previously commented about how you should "get a new boyfriend" (you don't have to do that over your Quaker not liking him), I think you should sit down and have a chat with him about maybe helping some with your Quaker - changing water, uncovering his cage in the morning, and maybe feeding him millet? I know how non-bird people are, because my dad is like that, but I've talked him into at least feeding my birds millet so they get to know him and his energy y'know?
Please don't dump your boyfriend over your pet not liking him - that's not a good enough reason to separate! There is a way to get your Quaker and your boyfriend like each other, it just might take some pushing to get him to realize that if he wants the squawking and mean behavior to stop, he has to get involved. But emphasize that it doesn't have to be physical contact interaction! It could just be feeding him millet!
(Also if you're worried about your bird injuring another person, it would be your duty as a bird owner to clip the bird's wings (or have them clipped) until the bird is no longer a threat.)
On another note, there was a separate thread wherein people were discussing reasons why they can't have a relationship because of their birds, and I completely disagree with anyone commenting about "I've seen behavior like this before" and "None of my lovers like my birds so I dumped them" and "it's me or the birds" etc. etc. etc.
Relationships with birds who hate your SO are normal and fine (and obviously they happen a lot more than I thought?). It took so long before my first bird Jersey would accept millet from my mother, and I'm about to bring home a GCC and if he doesn't like my boyfriend? I'm not going to break up with him. Simple as that.
It's going to take some time and effort, but maybe there's a way you can coax him into doing simple things that shows the Quaker that your boyfriend isn't a threat. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need anything I'm always here to help! (Cause I might be going through the same thing soon.)

Thank You SO MUCH Reggie! You've given us 3 some hope. Boyfriend does tolerate my Caique,(& my Caique is much more annoying LOL) so theres that. & theres got to be a way we can all coexist-as we have to, ya know?

 

[Reggie]

There definitely is! Try introducing your Caique to him in the same ways I've suggested - replacing water, waking him up, feeding him millet, etc. Boys LOVE to feel like they're helping and I know he'll feel involved and warm up to your birds!

 

[Reiker#7]

Honestly, i would make your bf to get a treat and put it inbetween his fingers and hopefully the Quaker takes it and doesnt bite. If he bites work with him a bit more and make sure to tell your bf not to pull away from the Quaker really fast if he tries to elt the Quaker step up because the Quaker would thdn think he has to be faster to get on. If the parrot takes the treat from his fingers, move to step 2 which is getting his favorite treats and putting them in your bfs hand and if the Quaker trusts him enough, he should start eating the treats, if he bites make sure to leave him alone for a while so he doesnt get so stressed. You could also try to just have your bf sit near the cage or wherever the Quaker is and just talk to him with a nice calm voice and maybe give him a treat. Then after that try to give him food from your bfs hand.
Honestly, thats what i would do in this situation.

Quakers are highly cage territorial-so having my boyfriend near his cage would not go over well. But I'll try for having him out & having my bf feed him some millet while in my hand then we'll go from there...

 

[CrazyBirdChick]

My old quaker, who passed away, hated my boyfriend too. He dive bombed him alot but luckily never attacked. Just tried to scare him.

I told my boyfriend not to react and I don't remember how exactly but my quaker just stopped after a while. He never loved my boyfriend but he stopped actively trying to kill him.

I hope your quaker stops at some point too. Sorry I don't have any advice, really, just wanted to say that there is hope.

 

[Reiker#7]

My old quaker, who passed away, hated my boyfriend too. He dive bombed him alot but luckily never attacked. Just tried to scare him.

I told my boyfriend not to react and I don't remember how exactly but my quaker just stopped after a while. He never loved my boyfriend but he stopped actively trying to kill him.

I hope your quaker stops at some point too. Sorry I don't have any advice, really, just wanted to say that there is hope.

this helps. I think he will come around.

 

[Monica]

I feel like the situation isn't so much that the BF hates the birds, it's just birds aren't his "thing". He's more of a cat person.


The birds could probably use more socialization and training as well. (I'm in a similar situation! although my BF *does* want to interact with birds, he's usually too busy with work or something else! and when he is around the birds, he does talk to them! just hasn't actually spent enough time with any to form a bond with them)




PS, I've finished reading one of my own books, so it's time for a new one! I think I'll read the bird book first!