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Pictures Enrichment and Foraging Class

bubblelady

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Joined
10/22/09
Messages
5,091
Location
Hendersonville TN
Real Name
Maureen
I haven't even been able to get her to take a shower or bath in nearly 4 years. Had an RN come in to help with that and after 10 minutes the poor girl left nearly in tears. I paid her for the 3 hours I booked her for cuz I felt so bad for her!
That right there says you BOTH need PROFESSIONAL help. (And you didn't have to pay her if she didn't do her job!) Your mother's health needs are not being met. Relatives can't admit how bad it has gotten because then they would have to get involved and inconvenience themselves. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. You are long past the squeaking point. Time to start SCREAMING until your relatives listen and get involved. As far as being wise...it's more a case of being experienced. Hindsight is amazing. Wish I could come over and support you. All I can do is cheer you on as you put your needs back in the equation. :biggirl:You can do this!
 

EkkieLu

Rollerblading along the road
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
6/26/18
Messages
4,768
Location
Shelby Twp, Mich
Real Name
Tricia
That right there says you BOTH need PROFESSIONAL help. (And you didn't have to pay her if she didn't do her job!) Your mother's health needs are not being met. Relatives can't admit how bad it has gotten because then they would have to get involved and inconvenience themselves. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. You are long past the squeaking point. Time to start SCREAMING until your relatives listen and get involved. As far as being wise...it's more a case of being experienced. Hindsight is amazing. Wish I could come over and support you. All I can do is cheer you on as you put your needs back in the equation. :biggirl:You can do this!
Thanks Maureen. You're a real sweetheart and an awesome friend! Blessings girl!
 

SherLar

Walking the driveway
Joined
9/19/18
Messages
259
Location
Iowa, US
Real Name
Sherri and Larry
It's the guilt that gets me. I keep reminding myself that she took care of me when I was little and couldn't take care of myself so I owe her the same now that she can't do it herself
Not true. that is something you have taken on yourself, as many children try to do for their parents, but almost all of the time, if the parent could understand what was going on, they would not want their adult child going through that. She didn't have you so she would have someone to take care of her when the impossible came.

Even healthcare workers have a very difficult time caring for their parents and they are trained. Staff in a facility have a much better chance because they get to walk away from it at the end of their shift. Did I often take my work home with me? Yes. Did I often cry? Yes. Did I take care of my parents, mostly. I was able to stay with them, but their end time came faster due to the cancer and not all the anger that happened with dementia. I also didn't have to worry about them being dangerous -- sneaking out or catching the house on fire.

So regardless of what you decide, you are not failing or giving up. And you get to cry. You get to be angry. It is not just her mentality that is being taken away and lost, but your life as well. You get to grieve. It is so very hard.

sherri
 
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