It's the guilt that gets me. I keep reminding myself that she took care of me when I was little and couldn't take care of myself so I owe her the same now that she can't do it herself
Not true. that is something you have taken on yourself, as many children try to do for their parents, but almost all of the time, if the parent could understand what was going on, they would not want their adult child going through that. She didn't have you so she would have someone to take care of her when the impossible came.
Even healthcare workers have a very difficult time caring for their parents and they are trained. Staff in a facility have a much better chance because they get to walk away from it at the end of their shift. Did I often take my work home with me? Yes. Did I often cry? Yes. Did I take care of my parents, mostly. I was able to stay with them, but their end time came faster due to the cancer and not all the anger that happened with dementia. I also didn't have to worry about them being dangerous -- sneaking out or catching the house on fire.
So regardless of what you decide, you are not failing or giving up. And you get to cry. You get to be angry. It is not just her mentality that is being taken away and lost, but your life as well. You get to grieve. It is so very hard.
sherri