If we have a "Letters to your bird" section, I'll be happy to move this there.
Dear Jasper,
I am sorry that I have to work seven straight days of 8pm-8am overnight shifts at the hospital. Trust me, I am not doing it solely to irritate you, but to ensure us both a steady income and living arrangements in the future. I understand that it does inconvenience you because your showers, out time, and scritches time have been cut in to. I especially appreciate that you have been mostly quiet while I try to sleep during the day, which is impossible to start with.
However, screaming the entire time I see you does not make me more likely to stay home. I am already giving you more treats and foraging toys in an effort to keep you occupied. Screaming non-stop, as per our previously arranged understanding, means that I will leave the room and hang out with the budgies instead. Next week, your flapping exercise program will be reinstated, but for now, could you consider actually chewing any of the huge assortment of toys available to you?
I love you, you ridiculous loud bird, but I am exhausted and I assure you that I hate this as much as you do. There are only two days left. Please hang in there with me since I am running out of parrot pot-pie, amazon a'la'orange and other similar threats to keep me amused whilst you're screaming.
Love,
Sharpie
Dear Jasper,
I am sorry that I have to work seven straight days of 8pm-8am overnight shifts at the hospital. Trust me, I am not doing it solely to irritate you, but to ensure us both a steady income and living arrangements in the future. I understand that it does inconvenience you because your showers, out time, and scritches time have been cut in to. I especially appreciate that you have been mostly quiet while I try to sleep during the day, which is impossible to start with.
However, screaming the entire time I see you does not make me more likely to stay home. I am already giving you more treats and foraging toys in an effort to keep you occupied. Screaming non-stop, as per our previously arranged understanding, means that I will leave the room and hang out with the budgies instead. Next week, your flapping exercise program will be reinstated, but for now, could you consider actually chewing any of the huge assortment of toys available to you?
I love you, you ridiculous loud bird, but I am exhausted and I assure you that I hate this as much as you do. There are only two days left. Please hang in there with me since I am running out of parrot pot-pie, amazon a'la'orange and other similar threats to keep me amused whilst you're screaming.
Love,
Sharpie
I would send him off to boarding school for the week! 
(j/k of course 
Sharpie!
