I understand, I lost my favorite dog, my yorkie Emmitt in February. After Emmitt died I had a hard time loving my other dogs as much as I used to, it comes back slowly in time. I don't think I'll ever love a dog or be as attached to one as I was to my Emmitt, but maybe I am wrong. I love my two remaining dogs very much but it hurts so much that things are so different now. It's rough to go for walks because I want to be walking Emmitt.
-
Welcome to Avian Avenue! To view our forum with less advertisments please register with us.
Memberships are free and it will just take a moment. Click here
Dealing with loss and remaining fids
- Thread starter lynnchee
- Start date
lynnchee
Moving in
I'm trying everyone. I care for them and I give them time out of their cage. I'm sure they sense that I am withdrawn with them. They are getting closer to each other with less squabbling. They both hardly tolerate any cuddling with me. Although one is going through a pretty bad moult right now.
I can't help it. I feel terrible about it.
I can't help it. I feel terrible about it.
waterfaller1
Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
- Joined
- 10/16/09
- Messages
- 26,782
- Real Name
- carole
I hope it gets easier for you with time.
I have recently lost again, we can go through this together. I have Mstar sitting with me now, I need to clean the cages again as I do every night but my heart is heavy. Cleaning Mstar's cage who Millow shared with is so hard. I keep imagining I can feel him jumping on my head and me getting irritated about it. I smile and want to cry at the same time. But they need us still, their life goes on too and they expect us to as well. It won't get any easier any quicker, but routine will keep the remaining flock stable through their grieving too.
Myztik
Jogging around the block
Oh Jam I didn't realize you had lost Millow 
I'm so sorry.
OP I am sorry for your loss. I have no practical advice though just couldn't read and not reply ((hugs))
I'm so sorry. OP I am sorry for your loss. I have no practical advice though just couldn't read and not reply ((hugs))
roxynoodle
Cruising the avenue
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
I Can't Stop Posting!
Have you considered adopting another bird? One in need can help a lot. It won't make the grief go away, but it can help distract you so you aren't dwelling on it all the time. And if you can use the cage again for another bird it's not sitting there empty for you to look at all the time.
I didn't feel ready for another bird when I took in Pete. I took him in because my conure was so depressed without her bird friend I thought she might die also. But, I do think adopting him has helped me with the healing. He needed a new home. He was in this tiny cage with no toys and only one perch, which was too small for his feet. He was eating a really poor diet and suffering from malnutrition. Rowdy cheered up the minute I came through the door with him, and her being happy helped me, too. I spent hours getting to know my new feathered companion, which kept me from thinking about Briana. Nighttime was still hard though as I would start crying when I went to bed. But, her flying to the bridge left an opening for another bird who needed someone, and I try to look at it that way.
I did purposefully not get another Blue Crown though. I was pretty sure I might consciously or subconsciously compare the new bird to Briana. For me I guess there can never be another BC like her. I know some people are just head over heels for one species and only ever want to keep that species. I'm kind of the opposite and once a particular being has won that special place in my heart I worry I may not open my heart fully to another of the same kind.
But, it's something to think about. A rescue bird in particular might help you with your grief, and you would be providing a wonderful home to someone who needs you.
I didn't feel ready for another bird when I took in Pete. I took him in because my conure was so depressed without her bird friend I thought she might die also. But, I do think adopting him has helped me with the healing. He needed a new home. He was in this tiny cage with no toys and only one perch, which was too small for his feet. He was eating a really poor diet and suffering from malnutrition. Rowdy cheered up the minute I came through the door with him, and her being happy helped me, too. I spent hours getting to know my new feathered companion, which kept me from thinking about Briana. Nighttime was still hard though as I would start crying when I went to bed. But, her flying to the bridge left an opening for another bird who needed someone, and I try to look at it that way.
I did purposefully not get another Blue Crown though. I was pretty sure I might consciously or subconsciously compare the new bird to Briana. For me I guess there can never be another BC like her. I know some people are just head over heels for one species and only ever want to keep that species. I'm kind of the opposite and once a particular being has won that special place in my heart I worry I may not open my heart fully to another of the same kind.
But, it's something to think about. A rescue bird in particular might help you with your grief, and you would be providing a wonderful home to someone who needs you.
Vega
Rollerblading along the road
- Joined
- 1/29/10
- Messages
- 1,636
- Real Name
- Joni
I agree with Roxynoodle's post, if you can open your heart to another fid. One of the most difficult reminders for me was to see Harvey's empty cage. I had planned on buying a larger cage for Rico, the same size as Harvey's, but hadn't gotten that far. I made the decision to put Rico in Harvey's old cage.
It was very hard at first...setting up the perches and the toys...but once I saw Rico in there it made things a little easier. I also, after a lot of thought and consideration, opened my home to Pattie.
I cannot tell you the emotional struggle I experienced before bringing another Patagonian home. And I won't lie, there are times it hurts to see her and know it's not him. But there are ten times as many times that I see her and feel blessed that she was there, available to help heal my heart. Some of her mannerisms are the same, but there is a lot of her personality that is hers alone.
Pattie will never take Harvey's place in my heart, but she has a place all her own. Harvey now has a little hibiscus tree next to where he is buried. Tending to this tree, seeing the colorful blooms...is also rather healing. I can't explain how, but it is.
It was very hard at first...setting up the perches and the toys...but once I saw Rico in there it made things a little easier. I also, after a lot of thought and consideration, opened my home to Pattie.
I cannot tell you the emotional struggle I experienced before bringing another Patagonian home. And I won't lie, there are times it hurts to see her and know it's not him. But there are ten times as many times that I see her and feel blessed that she was there, available to help heal my heart. Some of her mannerisms are the same, but there is a lot of her personality that is hers alone.
Pattie will never take Harvey's place in my heart, but she has a place all her own. Harvey now has a little hibiscus tree next to where he is buried. Tending to this tree, seeing the colorful blooms...is also rather healing. I can't explain how, but it is.
It has gotten easier with time: little bird in 1972, gummy not long after, Samson and Rufous back in the early 1990's, peaches on Thanksgiving Day in 1989, and many others for which I gave them a Forever Home. I'm glad that I am not losing my memory at age 65 because I can pull them back into my mind whenever I want.
The love lives forever! You will realize this in time.
Kate
The love lives forever! You will realize this in time.
Kate
If you give them up because you hurt, you shatter their world compleatly. Can you really just discard a loving animal that easily? I could not, even when I lost my Trixie Meyers to an accident. If I rehomed everyone and lived without birds for the rest of my life, I was shattering all the birds in my life's world and I just could not do that to them. I valued them too much to do that to them and later I found out I also valued myself too much to do that to my SELF.
If you give them up, you are giving up on yourself as well; saying you do not deserve to be happy to feel joy, to be a wonderful person yourself. Don't do that, please. Start interacting with them again, even if it is just giving them a treat every day. Reconnect and find yourself again.
If you give them up, you are giving up on yourself as well; saying you do not deserve to be happy to feel joy, to be a wonderful person yourself. Don't do that, please. Start interacting with them again, even if it is just giving them a treat every day. Reconnect and find yourself again.
- Joined
- 8/18/12
- Messages
- 6,802
Your feelings are real. You are going through stages of grief. I was in a fog and could not concentrate for months. I would recommend keeping your tiels for at least six months before you decide. Give yourself a chance. Think about something new...move tiels to new room, get them new cage, get them new playstand for example...also consider discarding old cage, toys, etc of your caique...not having painful reminder may help and working on new project such as helping tiels adjust to something new may help. The tiels sense your mood but they will adapt and forgive you for spending less time
It took me well over year to go through grief stages and concentrating on positive projects helped but it took time. It is raw now. So it is not time to decide anything.
I don't think any bird can replace your caique but I do believe your tiels can help heal you. They are amazing creatures and can help you.
from someone who has experienced your pain
It took me well over year to go through grief stages and concentrating on positive projects helped but it took time. It is raw now. So it is not time to decide anything.
I don't think any bird can replace your caique but I do believe your tiels can help heal you. They are amazing creatures and can help you.
from someone who has experienced your pain
Last edited:
lynnchee
Moving in
I am feeling much better, everyone. Thank you for your kind words, support, and advice. I still took them out daily. Fresh meals, seed, & pellet. I bought them a foraging toy and they love it! It's really fun to watch them try.
Before Paddle passed away, she was visiting a hawk-headed parrot. They got a long fabulously and I decided they would be the perfect half-siblings. I purchased the hawk-head and his name is Huckleberry. Unfortunately, Huckleberry came home after her passing. Having Huckleberry also helped me cope. The tiels can't stand him. But that's OK. They eat in segregated bowls. haha.
On a side note, I am seeing a psychiatrist for mild depression already and have finally gotten completely off of all anti-depressants. I have been feeling great.
Before Paddle passed away, she was visiting a hawk-headed parrot. They got a long fabulously and I decided they would be the perfect half-siblings. I purchased the hawk-head and his name is Huckleberry. Unfortunately, Huckleberry came home after her passing. Having Huckleberry also helped me cope. The tiels can't stand him. But that's OK. They eat in segregated bowls. haha.
On a side note, I am seeing a psychiatrist for mild depression already and have finally gotten completely off of all anti-depressants. I have been feeling great.
