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Am I being selfish?

ZteveBond

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I have reason to believe that my lovebird, Leo was neglected as a chick and had bad human interaction for the majority of his life. While it is depressing there is nothing I can do about now except give him a long and happy life. Leo being neglected and having bad interaction with humans means he will most likely never be very cuddly. When I was doing research for a bird I was looking for a breed that would love to cuddle and spend alot of time around me.

I am not giving Leo away because though he may not have bonded to me I'm quite fond of him. SO I am thinking of getting another bird from a local breeder. I still want Leo to live a long and happy life and if in order to make that happen I can't cuddle him then I am going to have to settle. Would it be selfish to get another bird just because Leo doesn't want to cuddle or play with me?
 

LunaLovebird

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It will benefit Leo to have another bird. I know that you know this and are planning it for next year, but as others might not, do make sure you are in a position to afford it before you jump in. Save up and put some money aside for any vet emergencies before start looking.
 

TheOddFlock

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That's how I got Jordan, because I wanted a bird to cuddle with. she doesn't cuddle, I then learned that I can't trust everything I read on the internet.
I don't find it selfish.
 

Birdbabe

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There's still time! Patience and love for this little guy..my deceased lovie was a rescue..it took about a year to be able to love and cuddle on him..he was still a nippy snotball..but he did seem to enjoy his scritches and kisses..
 

EllaMay

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I had Ella first then rescued the two cockatiels and Ella had a fun time with them and loves Daisy special and I find they interact in there own way. Ella finds something special about Daisy and I find it so sweet.
 

JLcribber

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Would it be selfish to get another bird just because Leo doesn't want to cuddle or play with me?

Well since you asked. The seed is already there. Considering this about what you want and not really what Leo wants, the answer seems obvious.

How long have you had Leo?

The whole point of getting that bird is to establish a relationship built on trust and respect. These things must be "earned" with "time" and your actions along the way. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. It may take more time but if you persist and show nothing but love and kindness, Leo will come around.

If Leo's past is as you say then he may not recognize another bird as like itself and even be viewed as a threat. (whole new can of worms).

A real bird friend would probably do wonders for him. The best chance of success for that happening would be a bird of the same species and about the same age. In your case I would consider another male because female lovebirds are notorious for causing a lot of problems including killing their mates.

There's nothing wrong with getting more birds but it must be done with Leo's consideration because Leo didn't pick you (yet). You picked (and committed to) him.
 
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ZteveBond

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That's how I got Jordan, because I wanted a bird to cuddle with. she doesn't cuddle, I then learned that I can't trust everything I read on the internet.
I don't find it selfish.
Are they both
Well since you asked. The seed is already there. Considering this about what you want and not really what Leo wants, the answer seems obvious.

How long have you had Leo?

The whole point of getting that bird is to establish a relationship built on trust and respect. These things must be "earned" with "time" and your actions along the way. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. It may take more time but if you persist and show nothing but love and kindness, Leo will come around.

If Leo's past is as you say then he may not recognize another bird as like itself and even be viewed as a threat. (whole new can of worms).

A real bird friend would probably do wonders for him. The best chance of success for that happening would be a bird of the same species and about the same age. In your case I would consider another male because female lovebirds are notorious for causing a lot of problems including killing their mates.

There's nothing wrong with getting more birds but it must be done with Leo's consideration because Leo didn't pick you (yet). You picked (and committed to) him.
well to be honest I don’t know if he’s actually a boy or not, I was just asking him if he’s a boy or not and he chirped so I took that as a yes. I also think a bird friend would do great for him aswel and just because I get another bird doesn’t mean I will not be spending any more time with Leo. If I get another bird I am going to make sure it binds to me first before it meets Leo.
 

JLcribber

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If I get another bird I am going to make sure it binds to me first before it meets Leo.
That's not going to happen unless they do not see other for about a year. Which is a reasonable timeframe to get to the point you're talking about. That's why I asked how long you've had Leo because if it's less than a year, "you" haven't given the proper time (and effort) to get the relationship with Leo that you want.
 

CrazyBirdChick

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I would never discourage someone from getting another bird, as long as they have the resources, but also want to mention that if the only reason you want another bird is because you want a cuddly bird...be prepared that your next bird might not be cuddly either.
 

ZteveBond

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I would never discourage someone from getting another bird, as long as they have the resources, but also want to mention that if the only reason you want another bird is because you want a cuddly bird...be prepared that your next bird might not be cuddly either.
If you’re suggesting that I’m going to be overly grabby and scare the bird then thats fair to assume. I also want to point out that that’s not the only reason, if Leo is going to be terrified of humans then that’s his right and while I may try and help him through that I can’t do anything without proving him right directly besides having conversations with him and just being positive about/around him. GOOD VIBES FOR ALL! The other reason I want another bird is so Leo’s life isn’t Lonely. I don’t him to live his whole life while thinking Humans are terrible and not having anybody around him to cuddle but himself. If I get another LoveBird I think it would be valuable for Leo to have someone around him who he doesn’t think I just out to hurt him. The cuddleing is just a plus!
 

CrazyBirdChick

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I was not assuming you would be grabby with the new bird at all. You sound like a good and responsible owner.

I was just saying that sometimes birds (even hand fed cuddly baby birds) grow up to not want to be cuddly.

I just mentioned it because I wouldn't want you to be disappointed if that happened. But I'm glad to hear you'd be okay with whatever the bird(s) decide.
 

ZteveBond

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I was not assuming you would be grabby with the new bird at all. You sound like a good and responsible owner.

I was just saying that sometimes birds (even hand fed cuddly baby birds) grow up to not want to be cuddly.

I just mentioned it because I wouldn't want you to be disappointed if that happened. But I'm glad to hear you'd be okay with whatever the bird(s) decide.
I appreciate your concern, what I was planning on doing was meeting up with the breeder and seeing if the bird was friendly at all, plan ahead. Ya’know? see how well trained the bird is and if he's handtamed or not/see if he's comfortable around new people,
 
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Tiel Feathers

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I would say that you need to give it time and get to know your bird better. You don't need a cuddly bird in order to have a really close, awesome relationship with a bird. In fact, I think cuddly is way over rated. You would be surprised at how much you will grow to love each other over time. Leo could really dislike a new bird, or the new bird could really dislike Leo, but of course the opposite could be true too and they could love be each other. You just never know, but I feel like you're not giving Leo a fair chance.
 

Lodah

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I would say that you need to give it time and get to know your bird better. You don't need a cuddly bird in order to have a really close, awesome relationship with a bird. In fact, I think cuddly is way over rated. You would be surprised at how much you will grow to love each other over time. Leo could really dislike a new bird, or the new bird could really dislike Leo, but of course the opposite could be true too and they could love be each other. You just never know, but I feel like you're not giving Leo a fair chance.
I would tend to agree with Tiel...
Pilo was hand raised from a breeder and not overly fond of anyone in particular for nearly two years!

It took a lot of time and patience for him to become as wonderful as he is now! All at his pace... not ours!
 

fluffypoptarts

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I appreciate your concern, what I was planning on doing was meeting up with the breeder and seeing if the bird was friendly at all, plan ahead. Ya’know? see how well trained the bird is and if he's handtamed or not/see if he's comfortable around new people,
I think once you’re financially prepared (and have given Leo some more time to bond), then you could do it. Birds are expensive. EXPENSIVE. I’ve spent at least $800 this month on vet care for my birds. You have to be able to afford the right cage(s), plenty of toys/enrichment, food, and vet care (avian vet). Don’t assume nothing will go wrong. And it’s only fair to make sure you can care and provide for another bird before getting one. And until you have your own funds, you’re having to depend on your parents. What if Leo (or another bird) needs the vet and they won’t pay for it? That happens all the time.

I’m not trying to discourage you from getting another bird eventually, just saying you should wait until you’re truly prepared.

My frightened bird and my traumatized bird eventually came around to wanting cuddles, but it was nowhere near 3 months. :) And lovebirds tend to be great cuddlers, so I totally get why you’d want that close relationship with one.
 
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finchly

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I think once you’re financially prepared (and have given Leo some more time to bond), then you could do it. Birds are expensive. EXPENSIVE. I’ve spent at least $800 this month on vet care for my birds.
Holy moly!:wideyed:

Don’t assume nothing will go wrong. .
This. You never know what can go wrong.

And here's my 2 cents, about bird personalities. They are NEVER what you expect/read/are told. I havve a caique that loves to be cuddled and stroked (not what theyre supposed to be). @Fritzgerald16 has one that doesn't play (completely unheard of , maybe hers is stuffed). I had a lovie that bonded with a parrotlet (neither one is 'supposed' to be allowed around a member of another species). And on and on.

I don't think visiting at a breeder will tell you how the bird will be with YOU. I think a breeder can help steer you in the right direction, with a cautious maybe. You become friends and create your way of interacting over time, just like with your human friends.

Now your little 3 month guy, I would be all over that: learning his body language, finding out what he likes and then providing it 'more.' Grabbing onto his chirp or glance at me and figuring out how to get more of that. Making silly noises until I find the one that he thought was a joke.

When you do all that, you have begun to create a bond. My parrot is 20, for 17 years he lived in a cage and ate only seed. Now he adores being scritches, loves stepping up and riding on my shoulder (his step-up is quite awkward). He has noises that I interpret for others as his yes, no, or back off. We not only have a bond, I love him deeply. He is not and will never be cuddly. But he can count on me to care for him, to protect him, and to provide what he wants and needs. That's a relationship with a bird.

Hope this helps. No one here is criticizing you.. we are giving you bits from our own experience. Do with it what you will.
 

DQTimnehs

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While I almost always think a bird companion is a good idea, I don't think the time is right for you. Your bird needs time to settle in and trust you. He may not have been socialized much before you got him but he has already had some pretty traumatic experiences since you've had him. Grabbing him out of the cage does not instill trust in hands. And being in the dog's mouth must have been terrifying and may have caused damage that you are not yet aware of, especially if he hasn't seen an avian vet since.

You have a cage with the wrong size bar spacing so need a new cage for the bird you have. A new bird may not be compatible to share a cage so that means you would need 2 new cages. Each cage needs to have varied perches and toys. More $.

Vet bills are expensive. I just spent over $700 for 2 birds' annual checkups with bloodwork. This is average. So I take 2 in the spring and 2 in the fall to spread out the expense.

A 2nd bird would be a good companion for your bird IF they like each other. It will almost certainly mean they will bond less to you and require even more time and patience to remain hand tame.

i have had Quack for almost 7 years and we are still building our relationship. There will never be 100% trust.

Don't be too impatient for a relationship with your bird and don't have specific expectations of what that relationship should be. If you interact with chirps or whistles that can be fun. If you target train but don't touch directly that can be rewarding. A bird can enjoy your company and want to be on you but not want your hands on them. This is ok. Let them guide the relationship and dictate what they are comfortable with and you will gain more trust and respect.
 
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finchly

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I got a 2nd parrotlet for a companion to my 1st one, who was hand fed but doesn't like hands. He will land on me but i can't reach toward him. However we play peekaboo, sing songs, and he calls me big kiss.

Anyway I worked with a breeder to get the right bird for him, and they arenot friendly to each other at all. I did put them in a flight cage together on her advice, which means I have 2 cages for Star and Skittlles plus their flight cage. Skittles is NOT happy in there and races back and forth non-stop yelling and chattering. Star is at the top staring around serenely.

Star is not tame but because of who hand raised her I figured I could tame her. It's not happening. At ALL.

So now I have 2 parrotlets that are not cuddly or even hands on, and do not like each other.
 
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