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Pictures Enrichment and Foraging Class

fashionfobie

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EkkieLu

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I feel for you. I slept on an air mattress in front of the front door when my demented mom lived with me and she STILL got past me. The sound of her walker heading for the front stairs woke me up. I would like to see a video of her getting herself and her walker over me and getting the sliding door unlocked and open without waking me. I called out to her because she was moving FAST. “I gotta get out of here! I’ve gotta get out of here!” Was her reply. Turns out she had dreamed she had been kidnapped. Caring for an elderly parent is, I believe, one of life’s most stressful challenges. Bless you. :heart::heart::heart:
I try so hard not to lose my patience with her but sometimes I just want to scream! I can't open any blinds or drapes because she thinks people are looking at her. And since her eye sight is failing, she keeps turning on every light and never shuts any off. She won't eat leftovers cuz she says she doesn't know the people they're leftover from. She brought a very small house plant with her when she moved in, but she dumps a pitcher of water on it every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times) and I didn't catch on until my hardwood floor was totally ruined. She throws everything down the toilet so floods are a regular occurrence. She tried to "ground" me and send me to my room, then yells at me for not complying. I could go on for hours about the crazy stuff she does every day!
 

Shezbug

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I try so hard not to lose my patience with her but sometimes I just want to scream! I can't open any blinds or drapes because she thinks people are looking at her. And since her eye sight is failing, she keeps turning on every light and never shuts any off. She won't eat leftovers cuz she says she doesn't know the people they're leftover from. She brought a very small house plant with her when she moved in, but she dumps a pitcher of water on it every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times) and I didn't catch on until my hardwood floor was totally ruined. She throws everything down the toilet so floods are a regular occurrence. She tried to "ground" me and send me to my room, then yells at me for not complying. I could go on for hours about the crazy stuff she does every day!

I looked after both my grandparents when they had dementia. They certainly tested my patience and organisational skills, sometimes I just had to laugh at certain situations so I didn’t cry or fall in a heap.
Sending big hugs to you :hug8::hug8::hug8::hug8:
 

bubblelady

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I try so hard not to lose my patience with her but sometimes I just want to scream! I can't open any blinds or drapes because she thinks people are looking at her. And since her eye sight is failing, she keeps turning on every light and never shuts any off. She won't eat leftovers cuz she says she doesn't know the people they're leftover from. She brought a very small house plant with her when she moved in, but she dumps a pitcher of water on it every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times) and I didn't catch on until my hardwood floor was totally ruined. She throws everything down the toilet so floods are a regular occurrence. She tried to "ground" me and send me to my room, then yells at me for not complying. I could go on for hours about the crazy stuff she does every day!
:bighug: I didn't cope well. Ended up having to quit my job and go on medical disability due to "clinical depression, severe anxiety, and mental confusion". (The doctor's words, not mine) I loved my mom, but if I'm honest, I grieved more when Buddy, my Heart Bird, died than when my mom died. Mom was 102 and miserable so her passing was actually a relief. Take care of yourself. You are not Wonder Woman. Well, actually it sounds like you ARE. :bighug:
 

EkkieLu

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I can deal with the crazy fairly well, but its the mean and nasty behavior that is taking its toll. People always say to just not pay any attention to her rants, but when so much negativity is shoved in your face 24/7 it's a nightmare for the psyche.
 

EkkieLu

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:bighug: I didn't cope well. Ended up having to quit my job and go on medical disability due to "clinical depression, severe anxiety, and mental confusion". (The doctor's words, not mine) I loved my mom, but if I'm honest, I grieved more when Buddy, my Heart Bird, died than when my mom died. Mom was 102 and miserable so her passing was actually a relief. Take care of yourself. You are not Wonder Woman. Well, actually it sounds like you ARE. :bighug:
I totally understand. Really. I don't know how long she still has, but I also don't know how much longer I can tolerate this situation.
I got a big cement type grecian pot full of plants and flowers for my birthday today. I had them put it on my front porch in a corner and it looked lovely. Mom decided she didn't want a plant on MY porch and tried to move it. It smashed, there's broken plants, pottery, and black soil/mud now covering my front porch. I hauled off the biggest pieces in the wagon I use for yard work, but the soil and mud I'll have to clean up tomorrow. I'm too PO'd right now.
 

bubblelady

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I totally understand. Really. I don't know how long she still has, but I also don't know how much longer I can tolerate this situation.
I got a big cement type grecian pot full of plants and flowers for my birthday today. I had them put it on my front porch in a corner and it looked lovely. Mom decided she didn't want a plant on MY porch and tried to move it. It smashed, there's broken plants, pottery, and black soil/mud now covering my front porch. I hauled off the biggest pieces in the wagon I use for yard work, but the soil and mud I'll have to clean up tomorrow. I'm too PO'd right now.

Recognize when you reach the end of your rope . Don't wait until you can't hold on any more. The financial hit I took by losing my job, with excellent benefits, including retirement, is affecting the quality of my life now and will continue for the rest of my life. And she ended up in a nursing home anyway. Nobody won. DON'T FEEL GUILTY when you recognize that the situation IS intolerable. You have to take care of yourself!
 

fashionfobie

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@bubblelady Great advice!

My grandmother had schizophrenia. When my grandfather passed away she had a very hard time. She had many dangerous episodes and needed to get institutionalised. She nearly killed herself accidentally during paranoid episodes. My uncle found her wrapped up in a blanket and phone chord all alone in a closet. I will say I think institutes get a lot of negatives, but she improved greatly being with her peers. She never missed medications, she was lucid, and she even ended up making friends. She told me about how she played bridge with the old ladies. Sure she maybe believed that person A didn't glow right.. or that person B wanted her pretzels... but she was actually much happier than I had seen her in a long time. She has seen passed away.

It is important to know when we too can smile again and be happy. Life is surely cruel sometimes.
 

EkkieLu

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Recognize when you reach the end of your rope . Don't wait until you can't hold on any more. The financial hit I took by losing my job, with excellent benefits, including retirement, is affecting the quality of my life now and will continue for the rest of my life. And she ended up in a nursing home anyway. Nobody won. DON'T FEEL GUILTY when you recognize that the situation IS intolerable. You have to take care of yourself!
It's the guilt that gets me. I keep reminding myself that she took care of me when I was little and couldn't take care of myself so I owe her the same now that she can't do it herself. I just wish she wasn't so grouchy and combative all the time. I often wonder if those "sweet little old ladies" you hear about are just an old wives tale!
 

EkkieLu

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@bubblelady Great advice!

My grandmother had schizophrenia. When my grandfather passed away she had a very hard time. She had many dangerous episodes and needed to get institutionalised. She nearly killed herself accidentally during paranoid episodes. My uncle found her wrapped up in a blanket and phone chord all alone in a closet. I will say I think institutes get a lot of negatives, but she improved greatly being with her peers. She never missed medications, she was lucid, and she even ended up making friends. She told me about how she played bridge with the old ladies. Sure she maybe believed that person A didn't glow right.. or that person B wanted her pretzels... but she was actually much happier than I had seen her in a long time. She has seen passed away.

It is important to know when we too can smile again and be happy. Life is surely cruel sometimes.
Pretzels...mom accuses me of stealing everything she misplaces! My mom is under 5' tall and barely 80 lbs. I'm 5' 9" and 155 lbs but she accuses me of stealing and wearing her clothes! Lol I had my brother and his wife over for dinner and mom kept yelling at me saying I was wearing her blouse. I am actually glad when other family members witness things like that.
 

Shezbug

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When things get dangerous for either of you (emotionally, mentally or physically) it is not really in your or her best interest to keep trying to care for her on your own. You need to take care of you- who else will do that for you?
Kids are much easier to look after than adults with these issues.
She looked after you when you were little because you were her baby....you have done as good a job as you can taking care of her so release the guilt (please) from your mind and heart. The best you can do is keep her at home with you till things become too hectic/scary or you burn out....hopefully you will be able to juggle everything smoothly till you feel ready to get outside help. It’s not an easy call and no time ever feels like the right time to make that call but as time goes by you will see and feel you made the right choices for the right reasons regardless of what you may feel right now.
We had to put both my grandfather and grandmother into a care facility in the end to keep everyone safe....my nan would eat things she shouldn’t and couldn’t tell the difference between hot and cold water and was terrified the tv was strange people hiding in the house- my grandfather kept taking falls because he decided he didn’t need to use a walking frame and refusing his medication which would be very stressful for us both.
I did burn out and regret dragging out the decision to put them into care due to my guilty feelings, they both ended up with much better life quality once put into care. It hurt and was sad and horrible to start with.
She would not want for you to feel so tired, worried, hurt or sad if she was not going through this change. I’m sure if she was fully lucid she would tell you to look after you and live your life the best you can. All you owe her is unconditional love.....you can give her that and let others take the abuse and handle the care once you feel you can no longer provide the best care for her.
Please don’t feel guilty when you know you are and have been doing your absolute best to give her a great life.

I just read over what I wrote and realised it kinda sounds like I’m telling you to put her into care.....I am not meaning for it to come across that way so please don’t take it that way. I just want for you to look after you too and not feel guilty about anything you do, think or feel.
The family who don’t live with you will never fully understand the difficulty and frustration you will often be left to deal with, if they are like my family they will have a lovely short visit and leave before they feel tired or annoyed or beaten by the changes.
The fact you have already done so much for her makes you a beautiful person, loving (grown up) child and a generous caring angel.
:hug8:
 

fashionfobie

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I just read over what I wrote and realised it kinda sounds like I’m telling you to put her into care.....I am not meaning for it to come across that way so please don’t take it that way. I just want for you to look after you too and not feel guilty about anything you do, think or feel.
The family who don’t live with you will never fully understand the difficulty and frustration you will often be left to deal with, if they are like my family they will have a lovely short visit and leave before they feel tired or annoyed or beaten by the changes.
The fact you have already done so much for her makes you a beautiful person, loving (grown up) child and a generous caring angel.
:hug8:

Same here :) It worked for our family! It is a hard choice and I am no way saying it is what you need to do @EkkieLu . I empathise with your hard times. Sending MASSIVE hugs.

:grouphug3::grouphug2::hug4::hug5::bluhug::hug2:
 

EkkieLu

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When things get dangerous for either of you (emotionally, mentally or physically) it is not really in your or her best interest to keep trying to care for her on your own. You need to take care of you- who else will do that for you?
Kids are much easier to look after than adults with these issues.
She looked after you when you were little because you were her baby....you have done as good a job as you can taking care of her so release the guilt (please) from your mind and heart. The best you can do is keep her at home with you till things become too hectic/scary or you burn out....hopefully you will be able to juggle everything smoothly till you feel ready to get outside help. It’s not an easy call and no time ever feels like the right time to make that call but as time goes by you will see and feel you made the right choices for the right reasons regardless of what you may feel right now.
We had to put both my grandfather and grandmother into a care facility in the end to keep everyone safe....my nan would eat things she shouldn’t and couldn’t tell the difference between hot and cold water and was terrified the tv was strange people hiding in the house- my grandfather kept taking falls because he decided he didn’t need to use a walking frame and refusing his medication which would be very stressful for us both.
I did burn out and regret dragging out the decision to put them into care due to my guilty feelings, they both ended up with much better life quality once put into care. It hurt and was sad and horrible to start with.
She would not want for you to feel so tired, worried, hurt or sad if she was not going through this change. I’m sure if she was fully lucid she would tell you to look after you and live your life the best you can. All you owe her is unconditional love.....you can give her that and let others take the abuse and handle the care once you feel you can no longer provide the best care for her.
Please don’t feel guilty when you know you are and have been doing your absolute best to give her a great life.

I just read over what I wrote and realised it kinda sounds like I’m telling you to put her into care.....I am not meaning for it to come across that way so please don’t take it that way. I just want for you to look after you too and not feel guilty about anything you do, think or feel.
The family who don’t live with you will never fully understand the difficulty and frustration you will often be left to deal with, if they are like my family they will have a lovely short visit and leave before they feel tired or annoyed or beaten by the changes.
The fact you have already done so much for her makes you a beautiful person, loving (grown up) child and a generous caring angel.
:hug8:
Same here :) It worked for our family! It is a hard choice and I am no way saying it is what you need to do @EkkieLu . I empathise with your hard times. Sending MASSIVE hugs.

:grouphug3::grouphug2::hug4::hug5::bluhug::hug2:
You are both absolutely right of course. I just want her to be happy but that's not going to happen no matter how hard I try.
 

bubblelady

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You are both absolutely right of course. I just want her to be happy but that's not going to happen no matter how hard I try.

Right on! At one point I had witten, "Some things can't be 'fixed'" and then deleted it. Well, I'm putting it back. You CAN'T make your mom happy at this point. She will never be young again. Your goal now, based on reality, must be to keep her safe and well cared for. That you can do. Whether that happens in your home or elsewhere is a tough decision only you can make but guilt should not be the deciding factor. My heart is aching for you. I wish I could give you a big hug and " make it all better".

I have shared this poem I wrote with almost no one but I think you will understand.

Mother cries.
" What can I do?
What CAN I do?
God help me. "

I tell her
"God sent me to help you."

But I cannot help her.
I can only love her

God help us both.

get some help for both of you, from wherever you can. And DEMAND your siblings do more than visit! From your earlier posts I thought you were an only child. This is not your burden to carry alone. You clearly love your mother. But love yourself, too!:heart::sadhug2::heart:

 

EkkieLu

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Right on! At one point I had witten, "Some things can't be 'fixed'" and then deleted it. Well, I'm putting it back. You CAN'T make your mom happy at this point. She will never be young again. Your goal now, based on reality, must be to keep her safe and well cared for. That you can do. Whether that happens in your home or elsewhere is a tough decision only you can make but guilt should not be the deciding factor. My heart is aching for you. I wish I could give you a big hug and " make it all better".

I have shared this poem I wrote with almost no one but I think you will understand.

Mother cries.
" What can I do?
What CAN I do?
God help me. "

I tell her
"God sent me to help you."

But I cannot help her.
I can only love her

God help us both.

get some help for both of you, from wherever you can. And DEMAND your siblings do more than visit! From your earlier posts I thought you were an only child. This is not your burden to carry alone. You clearly love your mother. But love yourself, too!:heart::sadhug2::heart:
My sister lives an hour away, and my brother lives a few blocks away. My sister visits once a year and my brother monthly. Each visit isn't even for an hour! My mom makes excuses for them that they are just too busy and gets really mad if I call them and ask for help so I can go and do something for myself. They bring her little gifts when they visit and I get to hear how wonderful and thoughtful they are while I'm cleaning up the mess from the toilet she overflowed for the third time in a week. Makes me so mad!!!

Sitting back I can laugh about it, but inside I'm still fuming...
 

bubblelady

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@EkkieLu Time to get tough! If they won't come to give you respite, send them a bill to hire professional respite care. And make it non-negotiable. Either they pay up or you drop your mom off at their homes for a day. They are abusing you and they don't have the excuse of dementia. They will take advantage of you as long as you allow it. This is no laughing matter! If you can find a caregiver's support group hook up for suggestions of how to proceed. Your mom may have years left. You don't if you don't get some help!
 

EkkieLu

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@EkkieLu Time to get tough! If they won't come to give you respite, send them a bill to hire professional respite care. And make it non-negotiable. Either they pay up or you drop your mom off at their homes for a day. They are abusing you and they don't have the excuse of dementia. They will take advantage of you as long as you allow it. This is no laughing matter! If you can find a caregiver's support group hook up for suggestions of how to proceed. Your mom may have years left. You don't if you don't get some help!
You are very wise! Thanks for the links. Everyone other than my own children think I'm exaggerating just how bad she really is. Relatives see her for an hour once in a blue moon and then tell me she seems alright to them. I haven't even been able to get her to take a shower or bath in nearly 4 years. Had an RN come in to help with that and after 10 minutes the poor girl left nearly in tears. I paid her for the 3 hours I booked her for cuz I felt so bad for her!
 
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