From the rescue
How am I doing, you ask?
Well. This has easily, hands down, been one of worst times of my entire life. The last 17 days have been excrutiating.
I have surrounded myself with friends, family, and my animals. They have held me together.
I second guess every single decision I make. I obsessively watch my video feeds of the birds almost constantly if I'm not right with them. I don't want to leave the house because "what if?"
I'm working with the Department of Ag and other major universities and avian experts across the nation trying to figure out what specifically to test for. We're logically puzzling this together to figure out the next right step. We will keep doing that until we reach the destination: The cause of death for 11 birds.
A lot of not so awesome stuff is happening on the internet right now. Most everyone knows by now a certain woman got ahold of preliminary results that were not published and spread them like wildfire across the internet as if they were final, and complete.
A lot of people have questioned me why I didn't publish that to begin with. The answer is: It would have been irresponsible to. They weren't done. To publish them when there's so much more to do before we get to the end of this would cause people to make decisions for their own birds based on a teeny tiny bit of information.
Here's an example a friend gave to me. You have suspicion that soil is contaminated. You test for 5 things. The tests come back as negative. Is the soil clear? No. The soil is not clear. Testing for a 6th contaminate: arsenic comes back positive. If you left it at the first 5 tests - you could wrongly say it's clear if you just take that as the final answer. The soil is contaminated with high levels of arsenic. To rule out the first five things, those tests needed to be done, but doesn't excuse the soil. Does that make sense?
Yes. I very much do still think it's the food. No, I won't stop saying that. Not until I can be proven wrong.
I've watched people accuse me of: being a drug addict, being an alcoholic, cheating on my husband, so he murdered the birds; getting 5 bucks every time someone shares the posts; not having birds to begin with - this must all be a scam to get money; accuse my boys of murdering the birds and then giving them CPR to cover it up; planning to spray Raid on remaining food to have it retested (you guys DO know how science works, right? Additive toxins have already been tested and ruled out.); having every surface of my home covered in bird crap (surely you guys saw the live video feed and house tour, right?); feeding algae filled water; taking pictures from the live video we did and erroneously calling our Keurig an air fryer; and so, so many more things.
Do those things hurt? Sure. I'm a human being. Do they matter? No. They truly don't. I think the goal is to try to shut me down, stop me from trying to get answers and to test my resolve. And clearly those people don't know me at all. Consider me a bulldog with a bone and a bit of a bad attitude right now.
I've also watched several people talk about the events of that night like they were here. Like they lived it. Like they have all the facts. I've seen people who I've never talked to or met say they're with the rescue, and then use a bunch of cuss words representing us. Yeah. Not so much.
Hear this: If it doesn't come from me or the B&B rescue page - it's not representative of me, my thoughts, what I witnessed or my actions.
Next - Just because that certain woman and all those people feel the need to spew hatred doesn't mean we have to answer it as such. We don't need to answer it at all, actually. The things that are being said are so outlandish and incredible that the picture being painted is pretty clear and stands on its own merit as ridiculous. I'm good with natural selection taking its course on this.
So how am I doing?
I grieved. Terribly. I continue to do so. But the anger is setting in now. I am my mother's daughter. We're going to let the scientists do what they do: figure stuff out. I will do everything I can to supply them with everything they need to do their jobs. The rest is just noise.
Now, what I want is for the avian community to come together. I want deaths to be discussed and talked about. I want people to do necropsies and histologies. I want people to support people. I want to learn from each other. I want to support each other. Kindly.
Be nice to each other. Even when someone else is being a Grade A bum - just smile at them and tell them to have a nice day. That's what I've been doing. And yeah - it's gratifying to scream and cuss and yell - but it helps literally nothing.
Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive. <3 Let's keep going. Let's do our best by these birds we love so dear.